Holding on to them won't make them stay. We have to let go.
Re: Detachment. I see it as a mechanism to help us cope. If you're dealing with things ok, no need to detach any more. I'm only detaching as much as I need to, for me.
Avoiding them in the hopes that they miss us seems a loosing game to me, unless you're in a Last Resort situation. Better to allow them to see your changes and build on the connection. This doesn't mean pursue.
If we're not fulfilling their needs (as much as they'll accept from us right now) that only opens the door for another man to do so. Nope, not with my wife!
Re: Living with W while being rejected by her. Did you know physical separation is more likely to lead to D? Probably because instead of missing us, they figure out they are fine on their own after all. Plus, this REALLY opens the door for another man.
I don't care how tough it is detaching while sharing a home/bed together. I much prefer it to the alternative.
I struggle with this. One of the biggest things that I didnt give my wife during our marriage was emotional love, support, encouragement and physical attention. Right now W seems to enjoy my attention and words, physical attention when she is in the mood. I honestly feel it is building something positive. That said it makes it near impossible for me to detach and very hard not to over do it. So for me it is a fine line. I also feel that if I stop giving her attention in these ways it would be like going back to how I was before, does this make any sense? Oh btw I am fighting the statement about physical separation and letting that get me down, my heart sunk when I read it.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
