post-D with WAW

[azguy]

Yes, weekends are tough, especially when I have my S. I enjoy time with him, but it feels lonely for the two of us to be spending time without XW.

I do hold out hope she'll reevaluate at some point. I just have to keep reminding myself that she needs to explore that, any involvement from me would just be interference. But I do worry I'm just deluding myself that shell ever be at that point.

[tori2012]

AZ, just read your story. Sorry you're going through this, bc I'm going through something very similar. However, I've decided to let go of my desire to be with my H.

What matters is that you don't feel that you NEED your XW to want your M back to be happy. You can have that be your goal, but your life shouldn't be put on hold.

GAL, keep an open mind, better yourself, and everything will fall into place.

[azguy]

Thanks for the encouragement, tori. Most of the time I am focusing on GAL. Other times it's useful to read up on here, and remind myself of that.

Another session with DB coach this morning.

[Pmac21]

AZ, I'm enjoying your thread. The thought occurred to me that it may take years for our exes to show interest in us again (if at all). It will be interesting to see what your counselor thinks.

[azguy]

Thanks, Pmac. I expect this will be a slow process. In fact, I'm not even sure I'm willing to commit a lot of time to waiting. I stopped and consciously asked myself what I wanted to do both when my W filed and when the D was finalized. The recommendations I got from friends was to move on. Both times when I thought about it I realized I didn't want to close the door on my hope for a reconciliation.

However, DB is a nice approach that pushes me to be a better person in my life, and helps put a lot of my worries about whether there really is any hope into the background.

[azguy]

Talked with my DB coach last week. I struggle with how to interact with my xw in a friendly, engaging way. She is very guarded toward me. My response is to not try to prolong any interaction, but to keep it short and to the point. However, this is my only opportunity to show that I can be caring and have empathy. I need to work on this, without applying pressure to her.

We meet each Sunday to exchange our son. This week, she was very avoidant. wouldn't make eye contact and Tried to end the interaction immediately. I need ed to discuss Easter plans, so we worked out those details. I told her she was welcome to join us for the egg hunt and brunch we typically have. She declined. These interactions had been getting more friendly, so that was a frustrating step backwards.

Spring break

[labug]

Try not to look at it as a step backward but rather a step. Change doesn't happen along a straight line.

[reb9597]

How was your spring break azguy?

[azguy]

Avoided posting for awhile. I feel like I'm not seeing much (any?) change in our interactions, and sometimes I just don't want to dwell on it.

Have been focusing on developing a better interaction with my S. Spent part of the week before Easter on a road trip with him for his spring break. Was good for bonding with him.

XW dropped S off Easter morning, and I planned out a scavenger hunt for him. Then was off to a Rennaissance festival for the afternoon. We both enjoyed the day.

This Sunday we had agreed to do taxes. Filed jointly since the divorce wasn't official until January. It was a longer interaction than I had anticipated. It took us a couple hours to sort through our documents and get everything right. She was friendly and even open at times while we were doing this. We planned out some of the childcare arrangements for the following month at the same time. It really put me in a tailspin for the rest of the day. I still haven't really come to grips with why she left. In my mind, we have so many interests in common. In any case, I kept up a positive, cheerful interaction with her. I volunteered to throw S's b'day party this year, something she usually takes care of.

[azguy]

Journal:

Have been traveling for work, so not much interaction with XW lately, and missing my S.

XW dropped S off this morning. She hung around for a bit to chat and catch up on arrangements. We are settling into more friendly interactions than several months ago. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern.