It's good to be here

[Mileus]

Yeah, I'm already getting hungry again. I was hoping that side effect would last a bit longer, lol. But, I'm definitely healthier now than I was.

I know it's not giving up, and I know that seeing her everyday would get me nowhere, but letting go was hard. However, since I've decided to let her go, I have been feeling better. I hope that someday she'll realize what she left and consider returning, but I also feel like I'm more in control of my own future. (As much as you can be with 3 kids). And, I don't spend all my free time obsessing. Some of it still, but not all and not even most.

At this point, I would be happy if she just spent more time with the kids, especially our youngest. But, that is her issue and I'll let her deal with it. I'll just keep leaving the door open so she can come and see them when she wants and be there for them when she doesn't.

BTW, she cancelled coming down Tuesday again. She texted me and said my daughter had plans so she wasn't coming down. When I got home my daughter was there and she was pretty ticked since she waited all day for her mom who told her she didn't come because she didn't feel good. So I cancelled my Frisbee golf plans and let her borrow the car to get out for a bit. I went for a long walk instead. I don't understand why she lied to me about why she wasn't coming, but I just ignored it and listened to my daughter complain without taking a side.

She did make it yesterday, though she didn't text when she left which is kind of annoying because I won't know when to come back, but I was out with friends and she was gone by the time we were done anyway so no big deal. I'll just reminder her next time she comes.

She's also texted me everyday since I told her I needed a few months without seeing her. Once about Easter plans and once about some new video game my son was playing, a few other minor things. I just answer her questions and don't try to further the conversation. I'm doing my best not to read into that and to just stay my course.