Now I know I am one of the last people on earth to be giving advice in piecing, but, don't get your undies all in a bundle just yet. There's plenty of time to see if this is for real or not.Give it some time before you go trying to figure out her motivation. You have to remember this ain't a cake walk for her either.
I would, however, shortly set some boundries for yourself so you don't reach the point of boiling over and don't feel so doormatish.But hey, what do I know. LOL
Hi everyone, Thankyou so much to everyone who has posted on my thread. It has really been a support for me. Since I have no previous thread to link to for history for those unfamiliar with me--here is a brief recap. M-almost 37 years; 3 kids--S(30), S(28)w 2 1/2 yr old, Dau(26); In-house separation almost 6 years; this turned to discussions of D about 3 months ago and her looking for an apt. About 1 month ago she changed to "you are the one who should be moving". Since starting her apartment search, her coming and going other than work had been erratic and the hostility level around the house had risen appreciably. When she came home and said "we need to talk" about 2 weeks ago, I renewed hopes that we might somehow work our way out of this yet. Now we have essentially returned to the position we were in 6 months ago---an in-house sep. sort of like assigned college roommates. She has consented to go out with just me several times since then, (maybe a small change since previously she didn't want to be 'out' with me unless it was a family or social function at which we were "expected" to be togather. The anger flares still continue (especially the day after being out togather), I still validate and other than that pretty much have to bite my tongue to keep the tit for tat type discussions at a minimum. Ok folks-what am I missing here? What should I be doing or not doing at this point to help move us along? I don't want to continue things as they were. I had reached a point earlier where I decided for me, that things either had to get better here or that I needed to move to a situation where they could get better. Harv.
MOrning Harv!: Well sometimes it seems that when WE make decisions to do what is best for us - that is what prompts THEM to get cold feet. IMHO, I think she is afraid of the D. I don't think she wants to change the status quo. Nobody usually likes change too much. Maybe she is stringing you along, maybe not. This is a really tough time. When you have to really look inside your heart and decide what YOU want. Only you can decide that.
Its not fair to string someone along. Its not fair to put them on a bungee. I think that's what your wife is doing. BUT - if she is willing to continue going to MC, face her issues and trying to make the necessary changes - that is a different ballgame and if I were you - I would wait it out a bit longer. After all this time - what real harm can it do???
I was talking to Ward, he says to say Hi. He is saying a prayer for you.
Just read your stitch....can't believe you have been at this for 6 years! It has been 2 for me and I am about going nuts just wondering if I am being strung along and questioning whether there is any real hope. Like you, I am tired of the status quo but don't know what to do to change it. Please pass on any tips or ideas that you come up with.
Did I read that you (or W) were seeing a MC? If so, how is that going?
Hi Wishing--thanks for stopping by. Yes, both W and I have had C's over the years. Sometimes separately and sometimes togather--if this tells you that things have not been smooth in our marriage for a long time--we would both say that you are correct. The underlying problem is that we never seem to have gotten to "the problem". I think we have put a bandaid on it for the timebeing and then it just pops up again later. Recently I have been with a C'ing group for about a year trying to work on myself. W had decided the C'ing was futile given past results, but in the last weeks has again scheduled some meetings with a new psychiatrist. So not really anything new to report on either of us yet. Harv
Well, I'm here for you. Anytime you want to vent just come here and rage on but for now at least you do have to keep it to yourself and observe. You knew that this wouldn't be easy. How could it be? Yes the work will be very hard and I can understand your thinking, "will this be worth it?" only you can answer that. I know that you're not sure if she is just trying to keep things as they are but what if she is? Maybe at your counselors meeting this can be brought up and with the counselors help, you can explore why it is that she doesn't want the divorce. Maybe some things will come out that will even surprise her.
Ya know Harv, when I grow up and get married, again, I hope I can find a guy who has half of your sensitivity. Don't sell yourself short. Look how Sadeyez and I fight over sitting on the porch swing with you. There is a reason you know.
I'll keep checking back to make sure your PMA stays way up there!!!
Quote: The underlying problem is that we never seem to have gotten to "the problem".
Harv, any relation to Harvey the Rabbit? 2 books to help one for dating and the other for female think. MARS/VENUS ON A DATE, and WHAT WOMEN WANT MEN TO KNOW, they gave me great insight, and would be of great value to you now. Get the audios, that way at some point you can listen together. Cheaper at HALF.COM
Hi again everyone!! Wish I had time to address each of you who have posted individually, but please know that I really appreciate your thoughts. Quick update--had a difficult weekend--W having second thoughts-questioning whether we really should be trying to save M. I ventured perhaps she might want to pick a book to read togather to see what the response might be. She agreed and we are taking turns reading to each other..Guess which book she picked. Love Languages. We have both read it before individually-takes on new meanings to read it togather. Hopefully I will have a chance to formally assemble goals and post those before long..Have to run and read. thanks folks for the support. Harv
