For the adventurous thing, is it important that I do this with someone? we should have a car in a few weeks, and I will be mobile (by the way, she was resentful of the car too, saying she would not use it, even though she used to seem to want one). Adventure is something we used to do, though only my W and I even then.
She suggested that I take S skiing, which I will, having had a very nice time with D.
People - she used to complain that I never took her to new people, only to places. How can this be exploited?
Appearance and Clothing - will get a brightly colored shirt. I have been shaving only ever other day, trying to get a bit more of the manly look that Cunningham writes about.
Fun and happy - only telling news stories does not cut it on this one, should find jokes ('Q: what do you fix a broken pizza with? A: tomato paste') - would be great to find a handle to tease her with, like I could with the dance teacher.
My schedule is certainly less predictable - I am up multiple times each night, unable to sleep.
So it would really be okay to just move in upstairs? I feel like this would just open a large can of worms.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
It should also be said though, that while I am gone 30% of the time, for weeks at a time, I am at home 70%, and make the dinners and go shopping and walked our D to school, etc.
L
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
And it should be said that W did a ton of work on the house. She is the more handy of the two of us, so painted, wallpapered, designed, etc. I did less fine jobs, like tearing up flooring, sanding walls, coarse paint removal, etc. Even now there is an unfinished door out in the paint stripping area, something that should be done before the house is sold someday.
I always told her that she was earning money by doing this, that her work raised the value of the house and she also did not have to pay income tax on it.
I hope the AD helps (I know it takes a few weeks). My PMA could use some chemical backup.
Will look for colorful shirts downtown today.
Have got phone and skype information for EE person, so hope to be in touch with him soon.
So tired again from not sleeping well -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
"I did not address it. Thought that my job, with its good salary, through which we have this house all this time, would compensate. What are you driving at?"
What I am "driving at" is that you didn't think her concerns were important to you. You abandoned her with the children. It doesn't matter that you got paid well, you weren't there. And the fact that you never mentioned it here, shows how clueless you are about it. I now understand all the source of your W's resentment.
To men, their jobs and their ability to provide is the most important thing to them. To women, it's their home life and the quality of it. You weren't even around. Just because you were there to help walk your D to school and did a few chores, doesn't compensate for the amount of times she had to take care of them when they were sick or take them to activities, etc. when you weren't around. Even men who are around 100% of the time will find themselves with no W if they don't participate.
I understand that you didn't understand it before, but it's no excuse. She felt that you had breaks while she didn't.
"I always told her that she was earning money by doing this, that her work raised the value of the house and she also did not have to pay income tax on it. "
That was EXTREMELY insulting. She's not a laborer. She was doing it to keep herself busy because you weren't around AND when you were, you weren't passionate about her.
I totally understand the dynamic now.
How often did you call her to ask her how her day was and telling her that you think she was a great mom? How often did you actually tell her with feeling how you felt when you were apart? How often did you talk to your children and tell them that you wish you were there?
You need to apologize for the past abandonment.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"she used to complain that I never took her to new people, only to places. How can this be exploited?"
It's not something you 'EXPLOIT". She was telling YOU she wanted to meet new people because she felt abandoned and alone. YOU were her only lifeline at the time and you just left her. Get it now?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
How to apologize in a charged situation like this? Something like "I am sorry for having been so selfish and abandoning you to all the work and housekeeping and putting myself first all the time"?
To top it all off, I am going to the States in a month, for a month, for work and EE, hopefully.
Thanks,
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
