Unlearning conflict avoidance 3

[MrBond]

"I did not address it. Thought that my job, with its good salary, through which we have this house all this time, would compensate.
What are you driving at?"

What I am "driving at" is that you didn't think her concerns were important to you. You abandoned her with the children. It doesn't matter that you got paid well, you weren't there. And the fact that you never mentioned it here, shows how clueless you are about it. I now understand all the source of your W's resentment.

To men, their jobs and their ability to provide is the most important thing to them. To women, it's their home life and the quality of it. You weren't even around. Just because you were there to help walk your D to school and did a few chores, doesn't compensate for the amount of times she had to take care of them when they were sick or take them to activities, etc. when you weren't around. Even men who are around 100% of the time will find themselves with no W if they don't participate.

I understand that you didn't understand it before, but it's no excuse. She felt that you had breaks while she didn't.

"I always told her that she was earning money by doing this, that her work raised the value of the house and she also did not have to pay income tax on it. "

That was EXTREMELY insulting. She's not a laborer. She was doing it to keep herself busy because you weren't around AND when you were, you weren't passionate about her.

I totally understand the dynamic now.

How often did you call her to ask her how her day was and telling her that you think she was a great mom? How often did you actually tell her with feeling how you felt when you were apart? How often did you talk to your children and tell them that you wish you were there?

You need to apologize for the past abandonment.