PON... someone suggested your input/advise or situation might be of help for me to understand.... if you get the chance please read my thread/situation. I'm still learning.
Thanks, WFM
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I have also been referred over here to you, as an example to follow, and if you don't mind, have a question. How did EE help you DB?
I am an essentially friendless (at least I have only infrequent contact with people that could be called friends) person, who usually avoids conflict, and originally from greater Boston. Details, should they be needed, are at:
EE gave me tools and support to cope. There hasn't been a day that has passed that I haven't reached out or helped someone from my EE experience. It is life changing. It also helps you look at yourself in away in away you never have
PoN, I am always thankful for your words of advice on my thread, but don't often feel as though I have any great wisdom for you.
A couple questions though: DO you ever feel as though things might slide back apart w your W? Do you see her as fully invested in restoring or renewing her efforts into your M? There wasn't ever OP for her or you, right??? That seems to be a HUGE factor in many of our situations and until/unless that runs its course (the A) we (the LBS) are in limbo, at least to the degree we choose to be.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Just stopped by to say I really have gotten so much out of your threads & the things you share.
I'm currently reading the power of now. Wow. Just wow.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Little I feel for you. I really do. The questions you ask are so common with LBS and seeking validation. There is no magic bullet.I started to prepare and had my M written off. I realized I was a good guy and I would end up alright in the end.
"DO you ever feel as though things might slide back apart w your W?
"Do you see her as fully invested in restoring or renewing her efforts into your M?"
"There wasn't ever OP for her or you, right??? That seems to be a HUGE factor in many of our situations and until/unless that runs its course (the A) we (the LBS) are in limbo, at least to the degree we choose to be."
I have feelings of sliding back everyday but that is a ME issue and my ACOA upbringing. I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think this partly is why I have been so successful in my business life.
I think my W is just as scared as me. There are so many moving parts to my M. As you know being a full time stay at home mom can take a toll on you. Isolation. Boredom. This was a piece going on in my M on top of me being a real d o u c h e b a g. I hurt my W and was terrible husband. I changed this but at the time it was too late. I feel now that I am a husband only a fool would want to leave and I believe my W knows this now. I would never hurt my W again like I did period. Most LBS spouses feel they are the victims of the WAS. How dare they. But at the end of the day most of the time it is a gift from your spouse to truly look at yourself and make changes. Again I am glad this happened to me. I would not want to live my life the way it was going.
Was there OP? I believe yes my W was having EA and don't think sh e really knew it. The guy ended up trying to get with her and I believe that is what drove her back to me the first time. The 2nd BD was because I hadn't made the changes I needed to make to be a better man. I believe the 2nd time she was also have EA. I could never prove this. I can only hope this wasn't something physical but I really do not want to know. Our problems in our M were much more deep rooted then some PA or EA.
As of now my M is back on track and I CHOOSE TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Power of Now baby. It is contagious. Just like negativity and projecting. I choose now
