I am writing and asking for advice on how to get through an adult conversation about S and avoid being brought down that rabbit hole. He is convinced I want him back, I want him to return to me, L me, sleep in my bed, and be my lover. It is hard for me to tell him what came so easy for him to say to me, I don't want you in my life anymore, I chose myself.

I want to be alone (which I never really am) and happy, not with him, and lonely!

The past can't be ahead of you in the future.
You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction.
What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!