Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

Ahhh what a day of emotional ups and downs it has been... Monday I had my IC who spoke with our MC and said she was lost on how to help us as she sees W not able to function in any situation not only in the M but also at work or her other personal life. I had to let my IC know that she is a very well-functioning person except when it comes to our M. Especially these days. My IC told me that there is nothing I can do as I have tried to work on it and have given her time. I left there thinking I can't do any more for the M and I can do just for me and my S and D.


W had individual session with the MC yesterday. She texted in the afternoon saying if I can come home earlier since S was home sick and she had the appointment so I did. After she got home she was talkative and we some conversation about S and things. I asked how MC went and she said it was ok. She also said she should go to work since she left early. S got up from his nap and we took him to the playground. We came back home and did the ritual getting him ready for bed. She said she is going to work and then pick stuff up for her meeting next day since she will be working from home. She left and I put him to bed. She got home a little after midnight but i was half asleep on the couch which is my bed.

Today I had the session with the MC by myself and that was interesting to say the least... She kept asking me why am I still in it with someone who is not nice to me and that I think is having some sort of an affair EA/PA.. I told her of how I felt that the M hasn't been good for a while and that I do not want the same M but know that M is really a good person and that after the pregnancy everything changed. W felt I was not there for her. I felt when I tried to be there W pushed me away. I took that personally thinking she did not want to have the child with me. She also said that when we first met that I said I wanted W to make her decision on to stay together or split. She brought that up so I am thinking she might be trying to push it one way or another. We have another individual MC coming up and then all meet together the 2 weeks from now. I went to work and that was stressful as I had a presentation and meetings to deal with. I left work and felt so alone and so down with the feeling of being the only one wanting this marrige to work. MC asked why I have hope for anything since W does not seem to give any evidance of wanting to work on it. She said you guys have some sort of a glue that keeps you in this very unhappy place for the both of you and something has to give. That was on my mind the whole time after. I keep thinking am I just being hard headed and wanting it to work so bad?

I got home and W just finished giving S a bath and he came running to me with this big smile and gave me hug. He is 16 months old and growing so fast. That hug was soooooooo what I needed. I was like my day just got so much better. Why asked if it was a crappy day and I said yes but this just made it better. I saw W playing with S and it was so damn beautiful and I saw the person I fell in love with and that also gave me the reason I am fighting for this M. I put him to sleep and W went to bed for a nap.

I went down did the dishes and went to get a glass of wine and noticed one is gone. And I am sure I have seen it yesterday so I am assuming she took it yesterday to "work". As it would usually piss me off I feel like I am in a better place to not let it get to me as it would normally. This is a way of letting it out rather than bringing it up to W. I have to accept she is not accountable to me. I will continue to live my life for myself and kids and not worry about her. She has been talkative but I am not going to read into it since that can change any second. I will need to continue this mind set and not slip. Be a better and kinder person whatever direction this M goes.