My WAW - coming to terms with it all!

[WAW_SC]

I am writing from Australia. I am hoping that being on this forum will bring me some peace and provide me with some good techniques to help me save my marriage.

Wife and I met 15 years ago at Uni. We got married 5 years ago and have had two children.
After the birth of our first child small cracks appeared in our relationship. After the birth of our second child the cracks got bigger. We then renovated our house and move 3 times in the last 2 years. Our relationship got harder and we were not able to resolve conflict that successfully and went to a counsellor again. It worked for a while but our conflict resolution got worse shortly after and so did our intimacy although we still had sex but nothing else.

Jump forward to now, our marriage reached a pinnacle when we had a big argument, I lost my cool and told her I wanted to divorce and moved out. A week later I wanted to move back in but my wife did not let me and told me to find somewhere to rent.

She said that we should spend 6 months apart as she needed to understand how much my negative behaviour had affected her and work out if she could ever be in a physical relationship with me again. I agreed to move out and told her I would do anything to try and save our marriage.

I have since rented an apartment and we have been co-parenting our two boys so we see each other other a few times a week. Friendly talking is okay but heavy conversations lead to an argument where she brings up things that I have said and done in past …like a broken record.

I have since been seeing a psychologist and have learnt that I was suffering from depression (and suspect W might be too). I have made huge progress on my mental state, my self-esteem and I am exercising, not drinking and being the best father I have been ever.

She refuses to acknowledge any of my good points or the good stuff in our marriage and how hard last year was on both of us (careers, house renovations, uni studies etc). She is only focused on the bad stuff and keeps repeating it.

She said that I had become a horrible person to be around and that as a consequence she had become introverted and had lost her inner strength and self because of me and my behaviour.
She says the following
- Concerned we are not right for each
- She does not trust herself with me
- She needs to look after herself now
- She doesnt deserve this kind of marriage
- Says she will aalways love me as the father of our children and as a friend but doesn think she can love me in any way.

We went to two counselling sessions and on the 2nd session last week, the counsellor asked her if she was willing to commit to saving our marriage she said “NO”.
C asked if she was willing to forgive me and continue the relationship with me and she said “NO”.
C said there was nothing more she could do for us and left it at that.


I have just ordered DR and DB online as my last resort. I am trying to stay calm and practice some of the 37 tips.

In order to try and show that I was detached I then went and booked an appointment with the same counsellor in a weeks time to start talking about working through the separation. W has agreed and now I am freaking out and thinking how stupid I was to try and be the tough guy.

Please help.