"o Me sleeping upstairs: denied. She was most emotional here, pointing out how much work she had personally done on the house and how much I am gone (30% of my time is abroad, "gallivanting" in her words), and how resentful she is of my higher income. I felt rather ashamed and yielded on this point."
We mentioned this before. Why on earth would you ask for her "permission"? The home belongs to both of you and you allowed AGAIN her to talk down to you. I mean c'mon, she's "resentful" of your higher income? You should have told her that it came at the expense of your M and that money isn't everything. Don't EVER feel ashamed. She bullied you into thinking like that. Don't ever be ashamed of your hard work. Stand up for yourself!
"o family vacation - on hold for the moment, pending more information on possible job for S."
This doesn't make sense. Did you want the vacation or not? If you do, then you just plan it. Stop asking and/or waiting for her approval on things.
"Staying with MIL in future - she thought this would be no problem as she and her mom do not get along, that even though we would be divorced my MIL could get back at W by still letting me stay there (I stay there when working in the US)."
Let it go. You don't need her 'permission'!
She's your W not your mother.
"She repeatedly mentioned D, as if it were a coming reality,"
It doesn't need to be. AGAIN you let her take control of the conversation even though you were the one who wanted to address things. What happened to that list of things you were going to go in with? You allowed her to shoot down everything you wanted to talk about.
"Not sure where to go from here."
Stop taking sh@t from her.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
