"I listened, validated what she said, and I avoided trying to "fix" her problems."
AS asked: ----------------------------- Would love for you to type out the actual conversation as you remember it so we can critique whether you actually were validating or whether you were going about it improperly. The intent isn't to beat you down, but rather to correct you if you need it. I've seen many, many threads here where people say they validated their spouse and then they go on to describe things they told them that are anything but validation. -----------------------------
OK, I'm terrible at remembering conversations. Essentially, she started out saying how she had no good friends, back where we used to live she could be herself, here she is guarded. She told me how at lunch with co-workers she had nothing to say to them.
I said almost nothing, except making noise such as "ah ha" "umm" to indicate I was listening to her.
When she said "I'm pathetic" -- I did say, "no, you're not pathetic"
I did give her some reassurances to the effect "it'll get better, and that it takes time to build friendships."
In truth, I said very little since there didn't seem like much that I could say.
