NG I suspected it was about not wanting to feel the pain anymore. I relate to that too. Time time and more time. I want to sometimes push through faster and I realise I simply cannot if I am gonna be true to myself. If I am truly going to get all that I can out of this unplanned journey.

I am in Cairo now visiting my parents and I was so uncomfortable when I arrived at the airport -- memories of H came crashing to me... Times we use to travel together (when we still lived in Egypt) all the places we used to got to in Cairo the memories we had, the dreams we created, the hope we had. I felt like Sudan was an emotional prison.

Anyway, my point is that I tried to just ignore those feelings. That lasted 12 hours and I was edgy , introverted and tense. The next morning I let it out. I cried and cried and allowed myself to experience what I was feeling. It felt good to release and admit to myself that I was sad. And as fast and as hard as it came... It went as well.

I guess I am just trying to say that I get you. It's tiring sometimes pushing forward and being patient. I want to get to a place where this is all behind me. Every time I try and force it though I feel the path gets longer.

Love you NG xxx

TPS
Me: 44 H: 42
M14 T17
S10 D7
10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month
21/04/12 H is 'DONE'
04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010)
July '14 H ends affair
May '15 H moves back home