I too, throw arrows....but I have stopped, for the most part. The pain is like poking a cut or a bruise...yep, with a sense of wonder you say, still hurts. But then then one day, it still hurts but not so much, and then gone. But the weird thing is like muscle memory, I think we have pain memory and a song or conversation, thought, movie, sidelong glance, can make it hurt very easily again.
So, in that, I agree with Bug. You embrace, but don't wallow and it becomes a part of you. Not the dominant part, not the everyday part, but a part you can live with, should it surface
Forgiveness is another story, lol. Somedays I am mad, oh boy am I mad!!! But mostly I am okay and okay with the days I am swearing at him for leaving me and not having the guts to try and not seeing his kids as much as he should and finding someone else, and on and on...but then that is done too. So maybe I live with that little anger memory once in a while too?
