Sp thing is, YOU TOLD HER TO DATE "If that's what she wants..."yet we all know it'll drive you nuts.
Even though it does NOT mean "true love" has found her even if she does date, your words were your "moving on" speech to her. You feigned indifference.
You SAID, in effect, (as I read it) that she's free to do as she pleases "since you two are just going to be buddies and all".
Remember?
I understand what you're saying here. I didn't realize I would be pushing her towards dating by my comments. I also made it clear, at least I thought, that I wanted to take the time for us to heal and hopefully rebuild our relationship. Maybe my mind wasn't in gear with my mouth, or maybe I just wasn't clear enough. Either way, YES, I do not want her to date. That is my definitive answer. I obviously didn't realize that this is what I needed to tell her. I thought it would come off as pressure. With that said, any suggestions to get back on track?
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Sure she may WANT to move on, she may feel the need to move on as a protective measure but she has not done it yet.
Don't push her anymore towards it than you're really ready for, which might be,
not at all ready.
be careful what you wish for...but all in all, I'm glad the party went well.
I won't push her towards dating at ALL. I didn't even realize that I was. I simply thought I was acting as if, and placing the decision on her, if she chose to do so. By no means am I wishing for that. in the future, if such an awkward conversation comes up again, should I be brutally honest with my feelings and tell her, "no I would rather you not date. I still love you and would like to reconcile. That is my wish, but you must make your own choices"?
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
Do not take my comments to mean you should pursue. But please stop rubbing her nose in your newfound freedom or verbalizing how "cool" you are with "whatever happens". This is heart breaking and it should be...for both of you.
She did not feel very loved by you in the first place, and for good reason.
Just Don't confirm those fears or beliefs, okay? Show her the new improved you.
& Pay no attention to what she feels for the old you.
I know pursuing her will more than likely push her away, even though my heart tells me to. This is heart breaking for everyone involved. I know this. I just don't know how to make it turn around. Chuck felt that I was making impressive progress, and I do honestly see some positive improvements in our interactions. I really need to work on my follow through and be dedicated to increasing my patience.
(maybe read Another Stander's posts again about how unattractive he felt to his wife, who is now different!)
