Mana Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

[Tallula]

Evidently he doesn't feel it necessary to fix himself, otherwise he would be. And honestly, do you think anyone facing the issues he is could do that much changing in two months? Remember the believe none of what you hear and half of what you see rule? What have you seen vs. heard just in the last two weeks? Is it indicative of a man who has really dedicated himself to changing?

Honestly, I never thought he'd figure anything out in 4 months. It was for me so I didn't have to be around the crazy each day. I'd be ok with him living at home if he'd end it with the OW...cause it's just prolonging his work. Which will be years in the making and I don't know if I'm even willing to stay for it. But I'm not 100% that I'm not.

From my (often twisted view) I think it's time for you to ensure you and the kids are as protected as you can be - if that means cutting H off financially, so be it. He's spending money in a fashion that is detrimental to not only him, but also your entire family. Added to that, his continued contact with OW and his antagonistic contact with OWH - it's not good for you or the kids and he seems to have no problems with any of it.

Well, I can't cut him off. He is our main income. He could just have his paycheck deposited elsewhere, and I believe that would just be starting a needless war. He is only using joint funds for things that were previously spent on ie meds, dr's visits. All food & apartment costs are to come from the other account. Which he has said if we D, that will come completely from his half. He actually knew himself well enough to pay all the rent upfront, so really he will just have to live "college style" on top ramon. Not on me. He may be nuts as far as this crap with OW and stuff, but financially he has not changed on being overly fair to me. He can't raid his retirement as to how the plan is set up and I manage all our finances. If this got ugly, I'd be fine. I have family and they have money and have told me they would help me. I also think, when you came from being an alcoholic 23 year old living in your car, with no one speaking to you, 20k in debt & no job...this doesn't have the potential to be the deepest hole I've dug myself out of.

"I really wanted to ride with you guys. I miss you so much, and I'm missing so much with the kids."

If this were really the case, he'd stop what he's doing things that has the potential to endanger you and the kids. Seems to me he's only playing on your emotions - which are already out of whack due to your pregnancy - so he can continue his cake-eating ways...

I have no doubt he misses us. I know that he does see I'm pulling away, and the pursuit is to keep me as an option. I also have no doubt that he is incapable of rational thought at this stage. I think that is why I hesitate to even bring it up just yet. He is crazy enough. There are plenty of people he could stay with if he had to and he could get a second job. I just think this would add pressure to someone who is clearly at the end of his rope. This stuff with OW & OWH, is NOT my H when he is healthy. I haven't seen this in over 10 years, and honestly...it's worse.

Thanks for your comments Blake. I will protect my kids for sure. I've made an appointment with a lawyer for next week.

You have got to protect yourself first and foremost. What if in June he is still all about the OW and doesn't have the money to stay where he is? he will probably move back in. Then you will be miserable. I take it you handled all th efinances in the relationship? That's what my ex did. I was clueless and she had to sit down with me to show me everything. Maybe you should show him the same.

I sat him down a few weeks before BD since that was a complaint of his. I'm too controling with the money. He knows that he will NOT move back in unless OW is gone and he is transparent. That is why I had him leave in the first place. That is something he knows or he'd still be in the house.