Help & Advice needed please Thread 2

[Tallula]

JOURNAL
Onto me, have a counselling session today regarding my temper and short fuse as this is something I'm desperate to fix for myself. I'm never physically violent but I do lose my temper by shouting etc. I don't like it, it achieves nothing and needs to be changed.

Good for you. My H has the same issue. It's very scary to live like that. My mom was the same, screaming, yelling, throwing stuff. I had started to do that this year during my unhappiness and have completly stopped. It's a struggle sometimes, especially with 2 small kids and being pregnant.

I do find it hard to not internally celebrate baby steps without reading too much into things - this is something I have to work on.

Our timelines are very similar. This was something I have struggled with too, once H started showing positive signs. I'd pull back, he'd respond...then I'd get too close, mildly pursue, he'd back off. Now, I've stayed pulled back for about a month. Even with the sex this weekend, I stayed pulled back. In my sitch, it has become more of a pain. Ha. Since he is still w/ OW and now actively pursing me as well. But, boundaries are my friend. I continue to be pretty dark. I don't contact him unless it's about the kids. I am still very friendly, joke, etc when we interact, but I end the conversations, physically leave first, etc. Sometimes it's hard, but you can do it!

Also, validation, I'm struggling to understand this and use it, if anyone would be kind enough to give me a few examples I'd very much appreciate it.
Thank you.

I also had trouble understanding this at first. AnotherStander has great examples when he shares. But how I understand it is this. Here is an example from friday. H: "I just hate myself most of the time. I feel really crazy. I miss you, I love you. I miss the kids. I just don't know what to do." What I want to say. "Well, you hate yourself because you are sleeping with another woman & breaking up your family. Stop that, focus on yourself and maybe you will stop hating yourself." What I actually said "It must be really awful to feel like that."

I think for men especially, they have a tendency to try to fix things. My H does all the time. I just want someone to listen and he tells me what I should do. I get now that he is just doing what he thinks is best, but just listen. It's REALLY HARD!!!