I cannot seem to help holding onto these delusions of us working this out and living happily ever after. But the more I realize that he just simply does not care about me anymore and the clearer I see that, the more those delusions are fading away, along with any desire to continue to have him in my life.
Wow, I couldn't have written it better myself...I feel the same as you...we both need to get past this thought, don't you think? I am in a little different situation, as I am presented with my H face to face everyday, but let me tell you what someone else told me...having these feelings do not change anything that is happening now and today. If he should decide to change things and want to be a part of your life, you still may feel this way, you may not, but how is that going to change what is happening today. I thought about it, and it is not. So let's file that one away for now.
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How hard it is to wrap my head around who he is now. He has done absolutely nothing to indicate that he is truly sorry or that he wishes to keep me in his life. I believe he thinks that I will accept these crumbs forever. I will not.
Again...Portia why do we have so much in common? He is a stranger, maybe he will always be, maybe he will be the same, maybe a little of both, but at the end of his crisis. He is not there yet, so try to stop trying to see yourself with this person. You and I both know we want nothing to do with these guys the way they are now...I know I don't at least. Also, can you see yourself being content with someone who has not shown any remorse. Trust me, I want this as badly as you, but this is also my motivation for some things, like having no contact. I don't know how long you have been going through things, but it seems it has been about 6 months. Is this long enough for you? Are you ready to give up? Only you can answer these questions. Someone told me it might be a good idea to create an internal timeline for yourself, but don't mention it to anyone, especially him.
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My goal is to use the time to detach from him, including the pain and hurt that he has caused and to put my life back in order.
Sounds like a good goal...I think I am stealing this one and using it for myself.
Take care Portia, it sounds like you have a lot of other things going on...do the things that you can do now...let the other stuff fall to the wayside.
Feel better, take care of you, live in every moment.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
