Not confused anymore...just anxious and emotional

[BRNR]

You know what I have learned? NOT to take everything personally.

I admit, I am one to take everything personally, but only when it comes from people I am close with...like H. Normally, I get over things fairly quickly and don't react. I guess because of my love for H, I find it difficult to practice with him.

So, the past couple of days, I have taken the time to absorb the things that have been said to me. I have re-read all my threads, and re-read my personal journaling from the very beginning days...

I am feeling like my time has come to the end with H. I know everyone has said to not make decisions when emotional, and also they have said that a person will know when they are done. I am not doing anything with these new feelings just yet, I am going to give it time to see how long they stay...

Man, when reading all the stuff I have written regarding the sitch, I have seen how far I have come in the sitch and as a person. Part of me wishes H could see that, part of me doesn't care. I am the prize, he knew that once, and I am sure that one day he will look back and so "Oh Sh*&, what did I do" and realize it again. That day is no where in the near future...

So, new problem I am tackling...my estranged father of 15+ years contacted me in January through Facebook. I ignored him then, mostly because I had enough problems on my plate that I didn't want to add anymore drama. Well he contacted me yesterday again. He was very angry in his writing, making accusations of my mother having affairs when they were married and other claims. I was hurt and angry when I read it...so I slept on it and this morning I responded very simply..."If you want to talk, lets talk, call me on Saturday". I will hear him out...use some of the skills I learned from DBing.

I am driving myself crazy...I was told this by my friend who has been checking in with me regarding my H. He is such a good guy, and because he went through his own sitch 4 years ago with his Wife (they are back together, and have been happy for the past 3 years) keeps my head level for the most part. I tend to text him before I do anything stupid, and he actually puts me on the same course you guys have...He even tells me to stop worrying about the divorce, because of his opinion that from what he knows about H (we all go way back to the 90's) he doesn't think that my H wants the divorce and just needs some time to overcome that he has hurt me by the affair.

While I do realize how far I have come, I know that I need to still go a lot farther...I am working on this...