My journey begins

[jp787]

Ok, just catching up on your sitch.

Telling your W to lose OM or D...yea, not going to make you feel any better & she will probably chose OM. I find making any decisions while in pain & turmoil is a bad idea.

I have texted and said so many things in frustration and driven by emotion, this is something I HAVE to get control over ASAP.

My decisions & boundaries that I know I need to do stay when I'm calm. when my H wanted to move forward with our R while keeping IW as a FB friend & being secretive with his phone, I knew that wasn't going to work for me.

This one is SO HARD for me. This is something that was missing from our marriage, physical-sex, it was not there because of me. Now that she wants that from me and we can sext and have our weekly time, it is a 180 for me. She says that it is the one thing we can do right, so I thrive on it. I guess I have to weigh that against the possibility that she is still sexting others and choose to continue as in the long run it is something that will help our R. At least that is my hope. I don't want to share her, but as stated 100 times, I dont have that control.

I stated I needed those things or we separate. I did not do that to get him to do anything. Frankly, I knew he'd move out. It was my truth.

My H is in a full on EA/PA right now. Can't decide between her & I. Still puts the moves on me, and up until Friday I told him I'm not in an open marriage. I did it, and now feel like junk. So, I won't anymore. If you are sleeping with her & sexting her expecting to be the only one in her life that she is doing that with, then you have your answer. Dont do it then.

As said above, I think I have to, the benifit outweighs the bad, as long as I can take it mentally.

I know your pain all too well!!! This weekend was painful for me. I got obsessed with thinking about my H & OW, I'm less than, what does she have that I done...bam!! Sucs! But, it hurts less now than in the beginning because I have tools. I've never missed a day of work during this. Now, I've been totally unproductive but I go. I do things I enjoy, try to snap my brain out if the obsessive thinking. This is NOT about us being less than. Nothing anyone does is a reason for someone to cheat. It does not define my self worth, it defines my H's. All I can do is work on being a better person for me, for my kids.
HUGS!!!!! This place is hard!!

Thank you for sharing, I also feel your pain and pray for you. This is hard, the hardest thing I have ever been through and more than I can handle at times. I honestly admire your strength, I too hope to get to where you are.