AS, Before I decided to post my sitch I've been following a lot of threads that I thought were close to mine. You've given some great inspiration and advice to folks and I'm humbled to speak with you. Yes, I've read DR. It really helped me center my overflow of emotions. I am the guy who tries to come up with solutions and I've been working on my 180 for that.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
When you say you were looking to retirement for everything to get better, I likewise saw a lot of problems in our M but thought we could right all the problems after the kids moved out and we retired. I was content to live with things as-is on the hope that the future would be better. It never crossed my mind that W might feel differently, and did she ever! While I was patiently waiting it out she was quietly planning her escape. I suspect the same happened in your M.
Yes, although we both knew that we were in the homestretch of being done with the military and getting back together to enjoy the "afterlife" where we both could focus on the family. She had told me at various times she was unhappy, but while we're geographically separated, there's not much I can do. Just like now. We went to a marriage counselor only for a week back in 2011 and it seemed to have helped. She was happier--told me so and that my assignment to the same continent made her more relaxed. Now, she says that 1-week of counseling was adequate for us "trying everything" to save our marriage. BS!
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
Since you've been separated for quite some time already, the normal DB'ing advice of detaching and getting a life doesn't really apply to you I don't think. It might be a good idea to talk to a DB coach because they have more tools for specific situations like yours then we do here on the forums. But feel free to journal here and we'll help as best we can.
Yeah, I figured that wouldn't work to my advantage in DBing. Sigh! Perhaps the counseling with her to "move on" will be my only gateway for a different path.
For right now, I haven't spoken to her for about 8 days and I really don't have anything to discuss with her. It just boils down to her decision really. I have most of her stuff in the home here and I provide for a great deal of their living expenses plus food expense. I've been sacrificing for so long and I feel so betrayed. Yet she says I've betrayed her since I've made some bad decisions. Who doesn't?
I've already seen that reasoning with her doesn't work and at this point I just want to keep my dignity in tact and GAL. So that's what I'm doing now. Besides, in 19 months I have to have a plan in place for what I want to do that doesn't involve her yet keeps me close to the kids.
