What I'm learning from H stages, myself!

[albamarie]

Nero - Thanks for checking in on me when your going through your own issue. Sorry to hear your news. How is this working out with you by H's side? You would think it would make another very appreciative to the L and attention one is giving. I don't want to burden you so I will journal from here, your free to stay off the MLC bs.

Journaling:

I have not been experiencing the usual dep and anxiety of the MLC world. I have actually been allowing other aspects of my life to be just as or more important, but at the same time I see how these other issues are affected by my sitch.

As far as stages go ( I have always kept up with stage of MLC) H is going through the acceptance stage while revisiting every stage from the beginning. H is also showing himself to be steady as Jekyll and Hyde have merged into the man he is today.

As for myself, I have found myself asking H to let me go! At first it was my anger, in his face (to his surprise). I followed up with many heartfelt conversations over the days about where I am through all of this. How it is about me now, and I need him to give me the space to build myself up and bring my family together.

I described what I expect from myself and what I expect from those in my life. Telling him how I will continue to move this family forward and need him to take himself out of the equation. I said despite what you believe we are not friends...I would not have a friend like you by choice, and now it's time you live by the convictions that you have strongly spewed at anyone who would listen.

Step by step I went through my experience over the last 4yrs and revealed some secrets about how/when/where I broke down during his MLC and what it has taught me. I am on my own journey through this with a healthy mind that in the end still holds on to L, loyalty, truth, faith and happiness, as the foundation of any R.

He also revealed some things that have been on his mind during this time and how he did purposefully shut me out, blame me, spite me, and just plain did not give a damb about my feelings. He called it the easy way to justify turning himself into the aswhole that he became, and how easy it was then to turn to another. How he enjoyed manipulating her and using her knowing he never has to answer to her, hence why he chose such a broken person to begin with.

But, in revealing that he also said he came to feel sorry for her broken sitch and then saw himself in this miserable persons light. Saw himself just as crazy and broken, but not as crazy and broken because he has me. In came the reason for holding on to both worlds, even though he was in mine majority of the time, when in her's he was spiritually free.

That's when I said then go find your spirit, let me be free of this pain because you are affecting me and only now that your changing back a bit do you really see the destruction you have made.

He does not want to let me go! He does not want to let EA go! I asked him to make real plans about moving out, giving him options to leave things here, treating it more like a well thought out mutual agreement. He is thinking about his options but he is also not very willing, he said he doesn't want to loss me.

I said it's not about you!