It is truly OK not to know what it is that you want at this very minute. I certainly don't. Well, yes I do. I want a fabulous relationship with the person who used to love me and always be there for me. Too much to ask? Yep, because there is another person involved who does not see things that way.
Knowing what we want in this weirdo-psuedo reality is another thing entirely.
I haven't followed your entire exchange with OT. But I very much believe that "co-dependency" has become the fashionable way to explain people even when they are not truly co-dependent. My experience at groups was good but then, I was dealing with an alcoholic. I am far from being even close to an expert, but if you feel that co-dependency is something you want to look into, the go-to book is "Co-Dependency No More". xSO's therapist actually gave it to him. Problem was that he ran with some of the ideas and became even more selfish than ever...after all being a "co-dependent" is bad!! BTW, I don't think this would happen to you, it just goes to show how over-used that particular concept is. But, check out the books recommended and see if there is anything of value to you in there that would apply to you.
Miz, I think the most important thing about seeking out any kind of help is that (1) you are comfortable with it and (2) that you are open to it. Not so much different than the MLCer. If the "help" does not fit those two criteria, then it is wasted time and I think it is good that you know yourself well enough to know which settings will make you comfortable.
Take care of yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing.
