Running out of steam

[mrtwopointfour]

Little confused on OP. Has your W not met him yet?

So i am led to believe, she told me this when i first discovered plans to meet, and also when i asked of she intended to. Recent event has made me doubt this now.

What specific things did your W complain about with you and/or M? I know you mentioned taking her for granted and not having independence but anything else?

Apparently a lot of little things that have all added up.

• I got stressed at kids and about them getting ill.
• I never really argued, more of stroppy teenager, would walk away or say 'yeah ok'
• Never shown enough affection. This kills me as I have so much to give now.
• Taken her for granted, herself as a person and what she does for us as a family
• Made her feel trapped, and untrusted - not entirely convinced on this one, but there are times where i would quiz about where / who she was meeting etc. Or be over protective when out and about.
• Not allowed her to have her own life. This is the most difficult. Never thought this was true, but now I see that we have both lived each others lives.
• Always showed my love and affection through nice gifts or doing things. But maybe that was a means to a 'treat' in return which makes me feel ashamed.
• My approach to sex was more of a quick stoke and hope, rather than seducing. And when that failed a sulk. Again ashamed.

Are they real and do you agree and understand what she means? Are these your only 180's?

They are real. I think some are what I think W wants. Some are in reaction to her reason for D.

My 180's

• Be happy, strong, optimistic
• Do more things around the house, little things.
• Play with kids, have fun, don't get angry just be firm and don't interrupt when W is talking to one of them or telling them off
• Don't text during day, don't keep asking how she is, care but don't over do it .
• Take K's out and do things
• GAL, get back together with friends and family.
• Don't pester about where she is going or what she has done - give space, don't smother
• Dress nice, look after self, be appealing
• Listen, listen, listen, acknowledge
• Don't worry about kids getting ill nothing we can do about it
• Don't like something just because W does. Have own views and opinions.

What type of mistakes are you making?

• Panic. Recent event made me panic visibly and wife noticed. Caused confrontation.
• Talking too much about R.
• Visible reaction when W mentions D
• Snooping. W noticed too on occasion.

'more importantly I have been protective and controlling, not in an obvious way, but maybe in a passive way'. Why do you think you feel the need to do this?

We have become too close, too good as friends, so she is my life. Fear of losing that i think.

What are you afraid of happening if you let her live her life?

Again, as above, my everything in my life. Basically what is happening now is what i feared. But my feared has helped cause this.

Are you tracking or keeping tabs?.

Yep have been, til now.