Sounds like you are getting clear. I could only imagine after 2 years you may be ready.
I totally agree with your transparency boundary. That's a deal breaker for me too. There just has to be those kinds of boundaries in an M or you are just inviting trouble!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
I guess the tone may seem down, but, I'm really not. I've just come to realize the sitch for what it is, and I'm pretty good with it.
As I told someone a few minutes ago, I'm actually happier now than I've been in a very long time. Sure, there are ups & downs. The ending of a 24 year marriage isn't something to take lightly. But, I do respect her feelings and wishes in this matter, and honestly, this will make us both happier in the long run.
Looking back at the last few years I can definitely see the misery we were both in. We just didn't want to admit it. We grew complacent, and we grew apart. I was 20 and she was 17 when we got married; we were not equipped to handle marriage regardless of the circumstances, and we certainly changed as we grew older.
my .02 ..... my h parents are divorced and are still very good friends, i guess it can happen. I believe they even are still financially involved. Inspite of his 20year rel'p with his common law girlfriend, he still comes by monthly to visit the exW (h mom) & have a drink/talk or to bring her flowers or other presents. Strange, but after a lifetime it can be hard to say goodbye forever.... maybe this is a good thing??
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Sounds like you are getting clear. I could only imagine after 2 years you may be ready.
Yep, I'm ready for... something, lol. This roller-coaster needs nuked!
Originally Posted By: Tallula
I totally agree with your transparency boundary. That's a deal breaker for me too. There just has to be those kinds of boundaries in an M or you are just inviting trouble!
Very true. W doesn't see it that way. I don't want to try and control her, but, there has to be some boundaries and respect for the M in general. Sexting other men and receiving pics of male genitalia from other men is not something I really feel is appropriate.
And truthfully, I wouldn't ever want to be in a sitch where I felt I needed to check on it, either. That would be a failure as well, so it's kinda like a double edged sword...
my .02 ..... my h parents are divorced and are still very good friends, i guess it can happen. I believe they even are still financially involved. Inspite of his 20year rel'p with his common law girlfriend, he still comes by monthly to visit the exW (h mom) & have a drink/talk or to bring her flowers or other presents. Strange, but after a lifetime it can be hard to say goodbye forever.... maybe this is a good thing??
And I could see this working out in a similar fashion. W would have to understand that I am not going to be there for everything she needs, but, she IS the mother of my D's and I would help her when I could. Just because this M is ending doesn't mean I intend to say single forever...
And really, I do want her to be happy and healthy - we all deserve that...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
My biggest concern in all of this is D13. I know she suspects something is not right - she's very smart and very attentive to her surroundings. W and I need to discuss shared custody to see if it's possible and how best to do it. Neither of us want to pull her from her school; she's doing well and seems happy.
Are you saying that she doesn't know yet? What about your other girls?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Are you saying that she doesn't know yet? What about your other girls?
Pretty much. W really wanted to not tell the girls until after Christmas. Then it kept getting pushed back for whatever reason she needed.
The two older D's know something isn't right and they have both spoken to me about it since they know W has moved out of bedroom. D23 asked point blank if we were getting D and I said it looks that way since your mom has asked for a S. D22 heard D23 tell one of her friends that she doesn't think W & I will last thru this year; which is a pretty good assessment.
D13 is still buying W's excuse that she can't sleep on the bed and is more comfortable on the couch. But, she has also noticed that W has moved into the spare room, so...
I spoke to BIL a few weeks ago. W did tell him she asked for a S and that I agreed. She told him she has to stay at the house until we get the cruise paid for that W and D13 are going on in October. That should be paid off in June.
But based on recent events, I would like to tell all D's what's going on very soon so no one is particularly surprised. To do that W & I need to discuss this stuff and come to an agreement. When we last spoke about it, we agreed on everything, I just want to make sure that's still the case.
Geez, I feel for you... We told my daughter22 just after Christmas before going back to school so that she would have time to adjust. It was hard, very hard. But, so important to do. When did the BD's start? How long have you been going through this?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
