Again you mistake the focus here. Right, I said, "who knows what H's problem is," and really, who cares? It is his problem. Your H may be a narcissist or a depressed person with severe ADHD who acts a lot like a process addict or sex addict or gambling addict. Or, vice versa. It doesn't much matter. His behavior is unacceptable and you behave in ways that make his life work for him.
You are the one who mistakes MY focus. I came to this board to understand what my H was going through. I am not saying I haven't contributed to the current state of our marriage. In fact, I freely admit (again) to having deliberately adopted an attitude of compliance because I saw it as the best way to take care of my children when they were young. My children are not so young anymore and I no longer feel the need to do that. I understand others come with different goals. Its nice this board accommodates a variety of needs.
Quote:
So, what matters is that you seem to show strong signs of codependency.
It seems you are making choices without accurate information.
The same could be said about you. I suggest you consider that nobody on this board puts everything in their posts. You cannot have enough information to make any sort of diagnosis.
Quote:
In any case, I doubt further discussion would be useful.
Discussion can be very useful but it involves an EXCHANGE of ideas. Such as person A says "I think you are X" person B says "Oh? Can you tell me how?" And person A responds with actual examples - explaining how person B is coming across as "X".
Quote:
I've shared my thoughts. You're either receptive or not. You'll either try it or not. Probably someone reading this thread will, which is nice to think about. For sure, no matter where you go from here, the more you can have a beginner's mind, the better place you'll find. Enjoy the trip. Ciao.
I take it from your response that you are finished sharing with me. It seems that because I don't see things your way that I am "not receptive". No word on how receptive you may be to a viewpoint other than your own.
But you are right, if someone does read this thread and realizes alanon would be a good fit for them then that's absolutely fantastic. And if someone reads this thread and realizes that they don't have to agree with another poster, that its okay to question - because it helps us learn - well that's fantastic too.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
