I'm a little confused after phone coaching session

[azguy]

Wow, this sounds both good and scary at the same time. I'm not sure I can offer much in the way of advice. It's interesting he is apparently looking to be in your life again. I would think it's okay to tell him you are not comfortable with him being in your house without you, considering the current state of the R. I can see this can be a delicate topic, that could lead to a flare up . . .

Okay, so this may be irrelevant, but have you ever read "Hold Me Tight"? It's a good book about how couples tend to let their fears and lack of connection corrode their relationship, and how to recast a lot of contentious topics to convey that, quite often these come from not feeling secure, and wanting your H to reassure you. Seems like the book might have some bearing on your sitch.

But, to come back to your topic, I think if you convey your boundaries in a considerate way, it is important to do so, rather than allow him to do something you do not feel comfortable with. Not sure, perhaps others with more experience can weigh in.