Thanks, 2, Tallula, Floyd, PoN, FY,bustin and SP, I appreciate all of your feedback!
One thing I do know--the less I interact w H, the better I am. I don't think about him as much or what he's thinking. I rarely think about what he's doing any more.
I put far more energy into wondering what's going on in his head when we've had conversations or interacted at all. I am really not trying to mind-read.
Our "21" years of being together (although we aren't technically together any more) is coming up at the beginning of April. This morning I had crazy thoughts about emailing him & his entire staff at work (including OW) saying, "21 years. I love you still. But... Song dedication- Just Give Me a Reason by Pink. Your wife, turtle.
I know it sounds crazy and I have to dig deep as to my intentions with this. I wonder if I'm not at a point of After the LRT. Give one last expression of love and then push away. Don't really know if I'm there, but I certainly feel like there isn't much left.
And I'm not sure WHY I would want to send it to all his co-workers except that I want HER to hear how much I love my H. I want any co-workers that know me to realize when this goes down that it wasn't ME who wanted this. And, that OW is a demon.
Okay, now that I've got that off my chest, can anyone give me advice about what the heck I'm thinking! I know 2x4s are coming, so give them to me, if needed. PoN, don't be too harsh--I don't think I'd really actually do this.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
I struggle with the same feelings, GTO. recently, I started feeling like I was pretty much done DBing, with the exception of the 180's I am doing for myself. A little over a week ago I got sucked back onto the roller coaster. I am starting to think that there must be a happy medium somewhere between overly detached and caring too much. If you can find that balance, DBing could continue forever. It is when you get too wound up thinking about it that it becomes so discouraging.
If it is any consolation, I am sure those interactions that make it hard for you, are hard for him too. How could he get you out of his mind....He's thinking about you. Stay strong, Lady!
GTO- you love the guy. You have huge history. No 2x4, just an acknowledgement of your growth...
A final F$%^ you, is basically what you want to send, but I know you won't and that is what the board is for. I often have fantasies of smacking H upside head and saying a la Cher "Snap out of it!!!"
I think the point of After LRT is a place of serious detachment. I know you don't have much left, but since you are considering the song...there is something. So, I don't know if you are quite there yet
GTO, here is what I see as signs of attachment: -You care about what the OW sees or thinks -You care about what the coworkers think of the OW and about you -You feel like demanding attention from your H
I've been there, and sometimes I still go back to that dark place. But by definition, this dark place cannot bring you happiness. You need to embrace life and the only way is by continuing the detachment process.
I agree you're not ready for after LRT. Be kind to yourself.
"I agree you're not ready for after LRT. Be kind to yourself."
Yea, it may "feel" like you are ready, but you aren't. Me neither. I'm as detached as I have been this whole process, but I'm not to that place. And it's ok. If we can't accept where we are, then we will never move forward.
Ah those silly OW and what we want them to see/get. They won't. It's futile. They can't see past their noses and it won't give us any satisfaction. I wish it would, but it won't.
Love ya lady!
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Thanks, SP, ruby, labug, 2, Tori, and Tallula, for giving me advice/encouragement I needed without the 2x4.
You're right, of course, that I'm not ready to go to that final LRT place. I just needed to hear that & recognize WHY I'm not there. Too many emotions still involved. WAY too many.
I do love my H. I look at him and think "if only he'd come out of this fog & come looking for me" I think I'd have it in me to forgive and do the hard work needed to move forward.
BUT...I don't know if he will. It seems as though he just keeps moving further and further away. (like the recent request to divide all our finances.) That just seems so final.
I will continue on the long path of detachment. Thanks, friends!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
My w withdrew 1/2 our savings and opened her own account . She also got a lawyer and marriage cert which is required to file . She also told my S 7 (5 at time ) daddy is never moving home
