Again you mistake the focus here. Right, I said, "who knows what H's problem is," and really, who cares? It is his problem. Your H may be a narcissist or a depressed person with severe ADHD who acts a lot like a process addict or sex addict or gambling addict. Or, vice versa. It doesn't much matter. His behavior is unacceptable and you behave in ways that make his life work for him.
So, what matters is that you seem to show strong signs of codependency. It is even pretty predictable that you would given you grew up in a family in which addiction played a role, regardless of the status of your relationships with addicts in your family. This is about YOU not about H or them. If you want something very different in your future, then you will need to change those aspects of yourself.
One of the best ways to become less codependent is through *any* codependent group. Again, these groups are ABOUT the codependents, not about the addicts.
This board is a lot like group therapy. Seeing a counselor or pastor is perhaps like individual therapy. 12 step programs are not group therapy or counseling. For instance, people should actually say nothing to you about whatever you share. It doesn't matter if you are an introvert or an extrovert. Many people do not even share particulars of their lives, but rather abstract patterns of behavior.
It seems you are making choices without accurate information. My bet is that 12-step meetings would help you a great deal. Of course, I could be wrong. But, the risk of trying in time and money is trivial. There are free phone meetings for all sorts of groups at all hours if you don't care to drive to across town.
In any case, I doubt further discussion would be useful. I've shared my thoughts. You're either receptive or not. You'll either try it or not. Probably someone reading this thread will, which is nice to think about. For sure, no matter where you go from here, the more you can have a beginner's mind, the better place you'll find. Enjoy the trip. Ciao.
