Pathfinder I am with you. I hated to hear when AS said things weren't going well and it was about time to call it quits. Once again AS you give me hope. Thanks.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
LOVE LOVE LOVE the Castle analogy. How can I save it in "my stuff"
Tx for the inspiration.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Very excited for you but glad you are staying focused on the big picture and are still DBing. After all the great advice you have given, and yes I do log in and read a bunch to keep my DBing going, I expected nothing less from you.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
Great to hear about the renewed hope AS - you really deserve the progress, especially after taking so much time out to help people around here.
I have just discontinued ADs as well. I'm only a week and a couple of days in but the worst has passed. It was a little rougher than last time I discontinued an SSRI which I could taper, as this SNRI uses a time-release coating and can't be tapered past the lowest dose of 50mg. It was a nice surprise to see that I'm largely fine without them (so far)! I do tend to have a few sad moments here and there that I didn't notice on ADs but it is nice to feel normal again.
It seems like you have even more energy for your hobbies after stopping the ADs - I have noticed this as well. Aside from starting my new job with a heap of energy and drive, I'm making music again (once upon a time I was a musician and audio engineer professionally) and have recorded 5-6 new songs in the past four days. That's more than in the past four years since I changed careers! One thing I've always hated about ADs is they make you artificially happy and in turn seem to kill drive and motivation, at least to an extent. Getting this back can't hurt us being more attractive!
Me: 24 W: 24 T: 9 M: 6 S7, D4, S2 PA Starts, ILYBINILWY: Nov 2012 BD & PA Discovered: Jan 2013 First ML since BD: April 2013 Physical separation: Mid-May 2013
My two cents on ADs (which I've taken two types of and come off of twice): check out books on cognitive behavioral therapy, such as the idiot's guide series. The knowledge in them seems more of a real, lasting, cure than the bandaid that ADs are.
Good luck making music, NLS, let it flow -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Seems like calmer waters and the deer feeding is coming along
We ALL have the " I am done", phases, and you either are, or you aren't. Not exactly mind blowing and stunning revelation, but true. I think it allows us to look a little deeper, past the desire to be with spouse, look at ourselves and motivations even deeper, and make that decision.
When people are really "done" I think it is because one of two things have happened:
A) The work is too damn hard, and you give up.
B) The work was hard, but you did it, and realized this is where you are.
When people are thinking of being done, it is another stage of growth, an exploration of what if, that leads to new insights if you have the strength to accept them and let go of the fear of "what if'
Just my .02, which is really .00 or .05 now in Canada...:P
My two cents on ADs (which I've taken two types of and come off of twice): check out books on cognitive behavioral therapy, such as the idiot's guide series. The knowledge in them seems more of a real, lasting, cure than the bandaid that ADs are.
My favorite book is Feeling Good. It helped me out a lot. I couldn't be on ADs cuz I was nursing (although I found out later on the board that I could've taken some mild ones...)
Keep it up AS!! Your definitely allowing her to live her life and living yours!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
