Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

AJ thanks for helping me work through that. The next time something comes up about him wanting to push my limits, I'll address it then.

I'm in an interesting position right now of carrying so many splintered personalities, where each must play her part. The one who is aware my H is a complete jerk right now and I should have nothing to do with him. The one who is the lighthouse to get H through this, with the sole purpose being of him getting through this, not us getting back together. And yes, there is still that person who loves him beyond measure.

It's clear he has strong feelings towards me, and those feelings are growing, or becoming unburied. He wants to be so close to me, literally, taking opportunities to get close and whisper in my ear. He talks about things he misses about me, things that I would assume he is not finding with anyone else or feels he possibly could, all along the lines of what the expert posters have posted here: The LBS is the prize, and eventually the MLCer will realize that.

Right now he will tell me things, but I'll let them stew for a bit, and then I'll bring it up later, such as, "Thanks for sharing that with me. I've been thinking about it, and it's made me realize some things. I want to talk to you about it sometime." Then it will come up again and I can. I've been able to then take something he has said, and discuss it with him, outside of it being about him, which seems to work really well.

AJ you've made a really interesting point about him trying on different personas. He may have fallen for OW#1, and been hurt by that, or not have that relationship measure up to all he thought it would be. So when something happened there (and not sure what, since he is still connected to her too) he started taking on more and more. He bounces between the two extremes of hating himself, thinking he is worthless, and thinking he is so amazing he can get anything he wants. This cycle of using women to make himself feel better about himself, then feeling guilty for doing it (or not getting lasting satisfaction from it) to back to using them again to feel better.

We had a really good discussion where I feel like some ground was made for him to muse over when he is figuring himself out. I talked to him about his grandfather and some points to consider, and also his feelings that his life would be easier if he couldn't get whatever he wanted from other people--if everyone didn't like him so much and let him off with everything. I told him just because he can, doesn't mean he should. That he has the upper hand with a lot of people, but using his strength to take advantage of the weak, only makes him weak. But knowing he can, and making the choice not to, gives him strength of character and that frees him from guilt and regret. It doesn't matter if other people like him, if he doesn't like himself. He seemed to take this to heart and really agree with it.

I also said to him that people who use other people are only operating under the facade of strength, because strong people don't use weak people to boost themselves up. I said it's a co-dependent relationship, where both are using each other, but neither is really getting what they want out of it, and therefore it will fail.

So I said take this into consideration with your grandfather. What caliber of people was he really able to use? What kind of person was he because of it? Was he really liked and respected? He mentioned about his grandmother always taking his grandfather back, time and time again. I said this was a weakness of hers.

This is where it seemed to really hit him when I said this: Sometimes people do the same acts over and over again, expecting a different outcome. Or they think about those temporary moments of happiness and think, if I can just do this again, but hold onto that moment when I felt on top of the world, then I will be happy. That's addiction. And if a person is addicted to something, they won't stop until they hit rock bottom. No one wants to hit rock bottom, so they're circle the bottom, drag themselves out again, only to drop back down. And they'll continue to do that until they hit the bottom and make a lasting dent.