Boundaries and Bananas

[mizjjd]

My fear? I wouldn't call it that, but if you want to call it that, fine.

I will be with people who's loved ones have tangible addictions. My experiences are on the very low end of the spectrum of what they experience. Rather like sitting in an emergency room with a stubbed toe next to someone with a broken leg.

I don't live with my brother (thank heavens) Haven't for years and years. In fact the last time he called hinting for a place to live, I didn't even take the bait.

I have looked into the "codependent" definition and can see where some of it applies. (I am also a "Libra" and can see where some of that applies too. Sigh. I don't want to be rude because I do appreciate the time you have spent on me. But diagnosing anyone can be a difficult and lengthy process - even when you have real instead of virtual access.

I know enough of myself too, to know that a "group" setting would not be a good fit for me. If I were to go, I'd be mostly quiet, be uncomfortable and not likely to return.

I am an introvert and I DO NOT think that is a flaw. I can be very social when the occasion calls for it. I have had several sales jobs, which I have done very well in. I have friends. High school was not a nightmare for me. But I am selective to whom I "open up" to and predict with great confidence that I would not "open up" in a "group session".

The only places the meetings are offered in my area are NOT the best/safest in town. Also only offered once a month.

There are not, that I have found, and yes I did look, codependent groups that meet closer than 2 and a half hours away.

You said I am "all over the place". Not sure what exactly you meant.

I have said from the beginning (have you read my whole thread? I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to lol.)

that I don't really know for sure what I want. I don't want a return to the marriage I had for 21 years. That's about all I do know. So day by day, I am trying to figure out who I am in this new post bomb world. And keep in mind, that that issue is mostly the focus of my posts here. Oh, I round things out with info about work and the kids, but you see mostly MizJ vs the H. That sitch is "all over the place" but its also only a part of my life.

And btw, codependent personalities very often end up with narcissists. When I brought up my suspicions of narcissistic traits in my H, you I believe were the one of the first to suggest he is an addict.

I haven't read your history OT, but do wonder if you have had extended contact with an addict? And maybe now you see others through glasses tinted with your own experience?

You asked if I have some reason to believe he's not an addict. Yes, I have a lot of reason to believe that. Not everyone who gambles is addicted to it, not everyone who has a drink is an alcoholic. I gave you a list of things H has become "addicted" to over the years. You then said "Who knows what H's problem is."

I find it interesting that you seemed to reject my own suspicion of narcissistic traits, which fits nicely with your label of "codependent" for me, to insist on addiction for my H.