I just hit five weeks on Sunday...seems familiar...I have also made mistakes...trying to learn and change...I pushed H too quick to talk about marriage on the 10th panic set in and he did not come to visit S this past weekend and told me I could say whatever I wanted but it was too late...
Do I fully believe him now...no...did it shock me and make me go crazy for the weekend...yup...contacted SIL and his friend right away...bad idea...thougth he said contact SIL...last night at 2 am I reread my list of do and don't and checked of a lot of don'ts that I have done since H left...no wonder I am where I am...doing it all wrong...
Now trying to be strong...rereading stuff and refocusing...that is the only thing we can do at times...
My H has moved out, he also took his ring off a long time ago, I look at it as H trying to convince himself he is right with the decision, I took my off this weekend, but plan to wear when H is around...my symbol that I am in this marriage til the end, I don't want a D.
But it is a personal choice...as for thinking about it all the time...yup consuming unless something else is consuming me...I just look for little steps on my part such as not crying during the day...or having time with my S, or getting out of the house.
Control is my issue to that I am trying to do 180's with...also that I always can first in the relationship...not H, my needs were always suppose to be met, by me and H and if they were not I was unhappy...180's are hard because they do not come quick and spouses don't believe them at first.
Hey what do we have to lose...we just need to keep trying and doing the hard work...
I also apologized for all the errors they don't care, they then turn it to why didn't you change sooner...anything we say does not matter till they are ready to hear and talk about it...right now space is the key...
Good luck keep posting you are on mediation and will take some time till your posts show up quicker...
Best of luck hold it together, stay calm, don't push, don't push...give space!!!
