I have asked about OP, and W still in contact, says OP is important to her and a special friend. Not yet met, and no plans yet or to peruse further as its not the right time to do that. I believe OP is M, w Kids and in another state.
Has your W not met him yet?
What specific things did your W complain about with you and/or M? I know you mentioned taking her for granted and not having independence but anything else?
Are they real and do you agree and understand what she means? Are these your only 180's?
That's probably last questions I'll ask you about your W. Now on to you...
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I also make a lot of mistakes, silly ones which I don't think through before I act
What type of mistakes are you making?
Sounds like you're letting your emotions get the better of you (perfectly normal at early stages). One thing that's been pounded into my head is to act, not react. If emotions are high leave the situation.
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more importantly I have been protective and controlling, not in an obvious way, but maybe in a passive way
Why do you think you feel the need to do this?
What are you afraid of happening if you let her live her life?
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As I said I keep making silly mistakes, which to W look like I am tracking or keeping tabs.
Are you tracking or keeping tabs?
Giving up control (or the illusion of it) is a very hard thing to do. It took me a long time to stop asking questions to W. I never felt like I was trying to control her but she saw it very differently than I did. The littlest thing, things you would never think about, were considered me trying to control her in her eyes.
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I am not sure the full on DB approach will work, or maybe I am afraid W will see this as me accepting and therefore she will move on quicker. But is my more subtle approach just coming across as false, like I am just not taking the situation and what she wants seriously.
I think you'll be surprised what the 'full on DB approach is'. It's more about giving your spouse space to figure their stuff out and taking that time to work on you. It's you becoming a better person. It's about if the spouse decides to change their mind you are in a much better place than you were pre-BD to make a new, healthier M.
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Also wedding rings. W does not wear hers. I am wearing mine. Should this be taken off to make her realise I am taking this seriously.
Likely get a lot of different opinions on this one. I took mine off right away because my W took off hers and I didn't want to put pressure on her as some suggested. Guess what, I wasn't ready to take off my ring and I regretted it because no good way to just start wearing it again. Ask yourself, are you ready to take off your ring?
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I wish I could stop thinking about it. 24 hours, even my dreams. I am trying not to panic, trying to be patient - but every day seems like an up hill struggle with the occasional fall and starting at the bottom again.
Well you're in the right place because every single person on these boards knows the feeling. Best advice here is to get out and stay busy (GAL). Find a new hobby, go to the gym etc... Anything to keep busy so you don't think about it too much.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
