Served

[MrBond]

Geez dude, STOP letting your insecurities show. She's told you time and time and time and time again that it's what's killing your relationship, but you keep doing it.

"I asked W to answer three questions. 1. Do you respect me?"

Why would you even ask that? Of course she doesn't. She said and wrote down that she lost that respect for you after the way you've been acting (insecure, manic, depressed, etc.) You constantly asking her isn't going to change that.

"2. What is the goal of our separation?"

There is no goal. She is done. There is no separation. She told you she wanted a D over and over again. You just have it in your head that it's a temporary thing.

"3. How long will the separation last?"

Until you sign the papers. Or unless she changes heart, which she won't do UNTIL YOU CHANGE!

"She told me her feelings haven't changed, she still wants a D, and can't believe I'am still in denial."

She is right. You are in denial. So much so that you haven't done anything to try and save it by saving yourself.

"She has agreed to go to C with me this week, but I'am expecting more of the same."

STOP with the C.

"Friends and family tell me to just get it done. Get the D and move on asap."

Now you're letting them influence you? They don't even know the full story like we do here. Be your own man and start fixing yourself.

"W said the only way we will ever have a chance at R is after our D. I don't understand that statement."

She is very clear. She hopes that you will actually change after you D. Because it's obvious that you're not changing now.

"I'am beginning to feel like I want to get it done. I'am losing hope more and more as time goes on. W is not working on R, she is working on D."

Because you haven't changed. Don't you get it?

"I'am not in denial about W wanting a D."

Yes you are.

"I hear her and I acknowledge her feelings."

No you don't. If you did you'd back off.

"I told her the reason she still feels the same is because she has not done any work to try to change those feelings.

STOP telling her why she's doing what she's doing. Fix yourself because you don't even know why YOU are doing what you're doing. From the way you've been acting, do you think she actually believes you know more than her?

"While I study books on Saving a M, she reads books on how to get a D and move on!"

Stop being so obsessive about the M and start fixing you. I don't know how much clearer that can be.

I just want my C to listen to W and talk to her. He is an incredible C and I trust him.
W said she only wants to talk about R with a 3rd party, i.e.. C. After I told my C what she said, he told me he didn't want to play the role of school principle and listen to W criticize me for an hour, which is what happened the first 3 months of MC. He also said that W and I need to be able to have R talks without a third party.

I have more work to do on myself, mostly getting the ability to not react to W when she tells me things that rip my heart out. My C said I have made good progress thus far and it is sad that my W can't see that."