Sounds good, Sailing! The not snooping actually takes some of the stress away. I had a perfect opportunity to snoop on my W phone today and actually didnt. I felt good about it too. Keep moving forward.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
On Friday I bought a picnic and firewood on my way home so that we could all go to the beach for a bonfire. The W wasn’t home yet, so I texted her to come home because we were going out. At the beach we had a nice evening. Our girls roasted marshmallows on the fire and made smores while the adults ate and drank (her MIL came too). I still notice the pursuer/distance relationship between us going on. I avoid pursuit, such as when she walked to the water’s edge by herself , in the past, I probably would have gone over to her.
On Saturday we went our separate way in the morning, met at a store to look at kitchen appliances, and then went with girls to meet a friend for lunch. From lunch we went to the beach again because D6 had a birthday party there to attend. The rest of us hung around on the beach. Later our friend invited us to a clubhouse that he is a member of to go swimming. My girls love swimming, I went as well as my wife. There was also a Jacuzzi and sauna. All in all, a nice day together.
One thing I notice is that my wife is much more flirtatious with other men, any men, than she has ever been in the past. For example, this friend of ours has 2 daughters of his own, he is not her type at all, but she gives him so much attention and is always smiling. I notice this same behavior when she interacts with other men too.
While my wife and girls were in the changing room, my friend told me that our relationship seemed to be good. He knows of the BD. To any outside observer, yes it looks good. There is no hostility between us, we talk together, and we even touch each other in public the way a husband and wife in love would. I think DB-ing has turned my situation around such that she doesn’t want to run and flee, but she still doesn’t want to be with me. Or at least she has no commitment to the marriage.
On Sunday we only saw each other in the evening. I left early for flying lessons and then went to go sailing. I’ve been racing sailboats for several years now, and the Spring season started that day. My W was with my girls, and then she started flying lessons on Sunday. She wants to do flying too, so I set her up to take lessons. I mentioned before that one change in wife has been her seeking ‘thrills’ and this is something that she was never interested in, but wants to do now.
I'm not sure how I feel about this, since part of my GAL was this new hobby and now she is doing too. Although we are doing it separately.
Anyway, so that evening we talked about flying. I went to bed at about 10:00pm and instead of coming to bed she went to the computer, which she has not really done all week. I’m sure she is now updating her FB friends, etc.
I'm not sure how I feel about this, since part of my GAL was this new hobby and now she is doing too. Although we are doing it separately.
Who knows! If you both end up sticking with it, it could be a shared experience that you both enjoy. There is nothing wrong with that! While learning to fly, you both will definitely experience and learn about many things that you can talk about together. If she is really interested in flying, I see this as something good. If you guys didn't have a shared history and she was someone you were interested in, you would think this was pretty cool, right?
I'm not sure how I feel about this, since part of my GAL was this new hobby and now she is doing too. Although we are doing it separately.
Who knows! If you both end up sticking with it, it could be a shared experience that you both enjoy. There is nothing wrong with that! While learning to fly, you both will definitely experience and learn about many things that you can talk about together. If she is really interested in flying, I see this as something good. If you guys didn't have a shared history and she was someone you were interested in, you would think this was pretty cool, right?
It could be. Whatever, I'm not going yto get in her way. I wonder how much I should help her though?
My wife's B-day is tomorrow. I bought her a present because her love language is gift-giving, and since we're living together cordially my DB coach and myself see doing this as making sense.
I also had all 3 of our kids make her cards too.
Her B-day is also the first day of what is a Wed evening sailboat racing series that I participate in. So my plan was:
1. give her the B-day gift in the morning 2. buy a cake Wed. morning, leave it at house and tell D12 what to do. 3. go to the sailing race and return home about 7:30pm
Is this too much? I have this conundrum of how to balance distancing by not giving gifts with her primary love language of gift giving -- which is something that I was not good at.
Some veterans may disagree, but, if the DB coach thinks it's a good idea, then I'd go for it. Personally, I think it's great.
I bought W a little stuffed animal, some chocolates and a card for Valentine's day (nothing professed love or any other emotion - just friendship). She told me I wasn't supposed to, but, as I said to her, it just didn't seem right to do nothing after 24 years...
SA, I agree. I think the present is a good idea. But like Blake said, do not profess your undying love to her.
Back to an earlier post.... The outsider wouldn't know that anything was different in my M either. We don't fight, we talk and even recently we have been very friendly. But, W does not show any real love actions. Everyone says that being friends is a great first step to R but I just hope we don't get stuck there.
Good luck with the birthday and the race.
M 37 W 36 T22 M14 D8 D4 8/2012 distanced BD 11/2012 (likely wants D. Feelings have changed.) W move out date: June 8th.
