Not confused anymore...just anxious and emotional

[AJM]

If I could run away and hide, I think that will give me time to get over H

I think we have all had that feeling at one point or another in this trip. I know I have at several points. Know what? I am very glad I did not. I'm glad I faced this and stayed standing longer than I thought I could or would. Did it work out how I thought I wanted it to? No. Is it better than I thought it would be? Oh heck yeah! I don't recommend running away, as tempting as that can be.

I need a partner, not some A*&hole who is just so smug and happy with himself.

This one made me smile. Not because I'm laughing at either of you, but because I remember that feeling clearly. I've even said those words (very similar anyway). It's good to identify the needs you have. It is. But it's also good to recognize the hurt in those words and the lashing out that it seems to be. Frustration. Pain. A plan to take back control. Identification of your needs that are not being met. That's what that meant to me when I said those things. Is that similar to how you felt when you wrote that?

Many of the mlcers play nice until "mommy or daddy" set boundaries or tell them that they aren't going to play their game of giving them everything that they want or demand.

And later many will figure out it was just what they wanted "at that moment" but not what they "wanted". I think that fits in with the other posts in this thread and correlates with what others have also seen.

Do they feel guilt or remorse? It's been my experience they feel it, but don't want you to see it. They want you to see how "happy" they are without you. They want to downplay the guilt they feel, especially around you. They will, in my experience, go around telling anyone that will listen how happy they are. It was just the other day, my ex tells me, (when she didn't get what she wanted) how much happier and successful she and my daughter are without my influence. I laughed. I haven't had any influence with my ex since early 08 when she "cracked". What stood out was how out of place that comment was in the business conversation. It reminded me of the guilt and pain I saw on her face when she was leaving and struggling to put two coherent sentences together. And I felt sad at her pain that still seems to be there.

Just for a moment, but I have noticed how much she has been trying to get my attention since the beginning of the year. I have noticed it seems painful for her. I try not to let that interfere with my life and I wish her well, but don't fool yourself into thinking that they are living the life of Riley. They are "searching" for that ever elusive "high" of "happiness" that they walked away from and tried to destroy. That's part of their journey and seems to happen to a lot of MLCr's. Before I could detach, it was painful to me as well. Now it's more like watching a television show of somebody else's life.

You have a MLCr that seems to be trying harder sooner than many. Don't give up hope, but remember it is a very long process. Detaching is something you'll have to do now or later, but I highly recommend doing so now. Get off that roller coaster.

Peace,
AJ

P.S. I love the analogy of the towels. Very good.