Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Breakdown]

If you would look back and say a few things you would do differently during DBing, what would they be? Would you have done Plan B earlier? I am afraid I might be very resentful if I stay too long or feel like I spent too much time worrying about the M and not about myself and my own feelings.

I wish I would have figured out some of my issues faster (i.e. controlling...I seemed to really have a difficult time grasping that one), but really, I don't have any regrets. It's a process and you just have to find your way thru it.

And no, I don't think I should have done plan B any sooner...though it took me a while to get there (honestly, I am still struggling with it), the prior 7-8 months was exactly what I had discussed with my DB coaches. I showed W the new me and how great our lives could be together. It was long enough that she believes my changes, and good enough that I think she'll miss it (I know I already do!).

No resentment from me. Even if I end up D, I had a pretty damn good year. If things weren't as great as they've been though, I think the time would seem like a lot longer than it does.

I will continue to work on not controlling but I still do believe communication of where a bout with two married people shouldn't be looked at being controlling. But that’s for a normal M and this is not a normal M.

Careful with that. I used to think the same thing, and while I agree that spouses should be accountable to each other, you are not in a normal sitch. When you both agree to work on it, then I'd discuss that expectation. But for now, I'd stop worrying about it.

You read my sitch, so you know I struggled with the same thing for a long time...simple things like not letting me know if she'd be home for dinner. Mach1 helped me understand that I needed to just take control of the sitch and tell W, "hey, we're having dinner at 6pm, let me know if you are joining us." It stopped fights and resentment from even occurring.

I want to also thank you for using this form to journal and the back and forth with Mach1. It has really made me deeply think about a lot of thing. As soon as I think I have it all figured out, it is just the first layer.

I'm glad others are getting something out of it...I'm so grateful for Mach1 and others helping me thru the process (an ongoing process I might add).

Hope all will work for you as I feel like I have seen you become a better person who in the end will be happy with or without W. Rooting for WITH for you

Thanks....I appreciate the support and hope I can support you along the way as well.

So with that, let's circle back to you. What are you working on? What are your goals? Who do you want to be?