My coach has told me "do not withdraw". He has also advised me to support her in any way possible and to look for ways to work together as a team with common goals. Try to look for the underlying fears in things that she says to me.
My wife told me a few weeks ago that she had applied to go back to school. She wanted to know if I would support her doing that. I know that this would mean much more than money. It would mean emotional support and support in the form of taking on even more of the workload at home. I told her that I would do whatever it took to help her accomplish her goals and I really meant it.
Last week, she asked me what I meant when I had said that it would be a financial disaster for us if we got a divorce. I simply replied that we would end up losing lots of money when we turned paper losses into actual ones with the real estate sales we would have to execute. She never said if that was the answer she was looking for or what she was really wanting to know if that wasn't it. She also asked me if I had seen a lawyer. I told her I had not. She never said anything else.
Most of the time, I don't ask her anything in return. Maybe I am afraid of getting hurt by an answer I don't want to hear.
I don't know if she's just gathering facts about what I am doing so she can protect herself or if she is asking me this stuff because she fears I will pull the plug and dump her. Maybe she's taking the temperature of our relationship. I am pretty sure that I would be concerned that I would be in a difficult position if my spouse left me when I was a SAHM and hadn't been in the workforce for 10 years.
I know she is worried about what is going on with us. She told me this past week that she's having trouble sleeping and one night didn't sleep until about 4am.
I don't know if she is looking for signs of security with me or if she just trying to see how much time she has left on the clock. Do any of you find your spouse asking you questions like these and then saying nothing after you give them a reply?
