Mana Mana! Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo

[Tallula]

Oh, thank you everyone for all of your help and words this weekend.

Journal:

After yesterday and doing my morning prayers and journaling, I really had to get gut level honest with myself. My H has placed this family in a seriously high drama situation with very unstable people. One of them being him. As painful as reading that text he send OWX was, I see it for what it is worth. My H is not the man I knew. He is desparate and he is spiraling out of control. This behavior is childish and recklass. From him to have gotten this mans phone number to text, is just ridiculous. And for this dumb woman to insight these men against each other...I have no words. I need to get out of the way, and protect myself and my children.

I saved the FB message from saturday night. I had deleted the previous conversation. I will see a lawyer in the next week to get advice. I do NOT want these people in my life. I do not want my children exposed to this.

I am already very pulled back from H, I don't text or call unless I absolutely have to regarding the children. But, I plan on no more family time. Only in public and very limited. Tomorrow night is S3's school concert. I had texted H the info last week and normally I would remind him about it. This time, I will not. Easter I had asked for the kids, and said that maybe we could all do something together, but when it gets closer I will just ask for them.

He is going out of town this weekend for a race and I have the kids. I will also not ask him what night this week he will come see them. I have already made plans. He should have asked sooner.

I really can't believe this sitch I find myself in. I feel like the only adult. But, it is what it is. I have support and I have you all. I am truly grateful. I have changed so much through this experience, and know that I will continue to change more. Peeling those layers as labug says. It's so hard. I have these times that feel so crazy and painful and I just want to lay in bed forever...but then my babies, ah my sweet babies!!! They are my saving Grace. I am so blessed!! The pain will ebb and flow, I will continue to feel. I just have to take these lessons and guard my heart better.