Time For Me (Part 2)

[Spartan]

Thanks for asking. For the most part I'm doing ok. Last week had a few down moments leading up to son's B-day party but I'm now able to keep those in check and not let them turn into anything with W. Even when she tries . Act instead of react has become a motto for me.

Yesterday had S's 5th B-day party and it went great! Kids had a great time, S even ended up with a black eye from a light saber battle. Buddy said it's not a party until someone gets injured and I heard S say that to his sister later in night, cracked me up . W didn't really help with anything for party and went out of obligation only and was disengaged for most of it. Didn't let it affect me or the party. I was shocked my mom and one of my BF's even hugged her at the end. After party she tried to start fight but I didn't fall for it, kept my cool and stated only facts and disengaged quickly.

I'm really proud of myself for pulling the party together and having it go so well. I didn't realize just how stressed I was until I was talking with a friend about it Friday night. This has always been something W planned and I didn't want to blow it. It went so well I even had a few minutes during it to just sit in the chair and watch the kids playing. Really nice moment.

Right now my R with my kids is at an all time high (it's always been good but now on another level I never imagined). I've become close with some new friends and got reacquainted with some old ones. I'm really liking who I'm becoming and most my days are good with the occasional down moment (or half day) about W and the sitch. Currently doing a lot of thinking about control and my fears associated with losing it. Reading 'The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life' by Susan Anderson and it's amazing. This will likely be my last self help book for a while, time to get back to casual reading and "just be" for a while and let everything continue to soak in.