Doesn't even matter. She will have her privacy and talk to OM and confide in him and he will comfort her and I am just lost to it all.
So, that is your final answer huh ?
I'm not buyin it JP...
I'm not buyin this little pity party thing you have goin on. Because you have CHOSEN to be defeated by this.
What are you doing differently for yourself ?
What are you doing differently to make her WANT to look toward you for comfort ?
Until you choose to be different, for yourself, then yes...you will be lost.
Yes, she has chosen to talk and confide with another guy right now.
It doesn't mean it will always be that way.
Nobody knows what the future will bring. Nobody can tell you that you will never be together again.
What I can tell you though...
Is that if you don't pull together, and find a way through this, you are writing your future, and not in a very pretty way.
That is where YOUR choices come into play.
You can choose to be defeated...
Or you can pick your ass up, and really buy into what DBing entails. So that you can start finding your way out of your self-imposed hell....
Your choice JP....
So you wanna do this thing, or what ???
It depends on the day. I feel good and like I can fight one day and dead the next. It is debilitating, I just want to curl up and die. I feel like I fail me, W, kids, You, 25, and everyone. Yes I obviously has a big time issue with the pity, poor me sh!t.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Well I am also basing how I feel on what W is or isn't not doing. On if we happy or fighting.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Something I wrote this morning that I though I would share.
Of all the harmful things humans have come up with, I find it amazing that the most hurtful and painful are abundantly available and free to all. That so often we use them without concern and regard, they are more powerful than any tangible weapon and can be used so effectively to destroy. What am I referring to? Nothing more than what you have just been reading, WORDS. Chosen correctly they can heal, encourage, teach, learn, love and forgive. Used with out love and care they can destroy and demoralize. The time words hurt most is when they are not spoken, but thought in our minds, about ourselves. This are my thoughts.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
JP I suggest you start listening to people like M1 and 25 asap before THEY DETACH from your thread and it will happen. Trust me I lost great support because of my anxiety.
YOU NEED TO GET YOUR ANXIETY IN CHECK NOW..Do not wait to take this advice. You are not listening to people on here. You are reading and not listening. I know because I did it.
1. you need to meditate, yoga, reiki. Something. I suggest Chi Gong breathing because it is something you can do 15 minutes a day and can be done at a conference room at work if needed in a pinch.
2. You do realize if your W decides to goto a swingers party tonight, buy an 8 ball, and have an orgy there is NOTHING you can do about it. Hell my W could do this too. So stop trying to CONTROL the things you can't control. LISTEN TO THIS PART or you will fail. you can only control you.
3. Give your W the password stuff. Let her change it. Do you know how UNHEALTHY it is to monitor your W's stuff. OMG I use to do it and I would drive myself insane. You realize this is ANXIETY. All anxiety is FEAR. When you snoop you trying to get answers. What is the answer you are seeking you ask. Is she cheating. Yes or no. That is what you're seeking. Snooping is a SHORT term fix for your anxiety. TRUST ME ON THIS. You want to send your W further off the cliff that you already pushed her off. Continue to snoop.
JP I suggest you get a grip and start working on yourself asap.
Start with step 1 immediately.
Do you think your W is going to want to stay with some control freak who monitors her 24 x 7? What next an electric dog leash. Seriously man pull it together.
Start to GAL asap. You need to take all focus off your W man. I am seeing all this advice giving to you and a few days later you are spun out. My nickname use to be Nethamster. I know.
Do not make the mistakes I made. LISTEN and act. Google Imago and visit EE.org
All the great advice. All my momentum forward. All lost to my fear about OM. I can deal with about everything else, my guilt, W angry with me, all of the other stuff that is wrong that needs fixed, but OM stops me cold in my tracks.
What does this mean? You say you love your W, you said you want her to be happy, you say you want to work on yourself. Hell read your first post, nothing there says anything about your W or OM.
Quote:
W even said she promises (like I trust that) there is no one else and she is not looking.
Script. And who cares what your W says or promises? I don't mean to be an ass today but I really don't care much about your W or what she's doing. There is nothing you can do about it or anything any of us can do to help with that. All we can do is help figure out who you are.
Quote:
I know at this point OM has family and is committed to them,
OM isn't committed to his family if he's doing what you think he's doing. He's an asshat so stop thinking about him or trying to compare yourself to him. You are the one committed to your family.
Quote:
As she said in text to my D, I too can give her those needs, but if feels annoying coming from me. How do I try to give W her needs when she feels that? She wants her needs met from someone else.
I hate that you snooped for this info but as far as I know my W hasn't said anything nice about me since BD. Truth be told I'd love to hear my W say that I could give her those feelings, even if in an annoying way.
Sounds to me like you need to give her space (not sure if we've said that before ). What you've been doing is obviously cramping her and she feels annoyed.
Quote:
It is like I am at a beach that has white sand everywhere and there is one tiny black grain of sand and that pulls all of my attention.
Really??? For #@$% sake!!!
Quote:
Last night I felt rage, something I have not in a long time and it scared me. I guess it is from everything, but what surfaced was what W told D in a text that I am not supposed to know. The one where W says OM makes her feel so good, irresistible and all that stuff, that dad can do that too, but it just feels annoying coming from him. She says this to my D and I cant say anything about it because I will loose too much if I admit to looking at D phone. That is burned into my head and idk if I can ever forgive that. God knows what else she has said to D that I dont know about.
Don't take this the wrong way but you better figure this out. I still think you need to concentrate on you but if you think there's ever a chance at R without forgiveness you are out of your mind.
Also anger used as a shield is a fine thing in my opinion. Use it to protect yourself. Rage on the other hand, not much good comes from that emotion so make sure to keep that one in check. What did you do when you felt that? Hopefully not just sit there. Worst case drop to the floor and do pushups and situps until you throw up.
Stop saying you're failing. You haven't failed because quite honestly you haven't started yet. The only thing you've failed at is you haven't taken the first step.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Ok, looks like I need to read DR again tonight. Mach1, I am sorry, but I'm not sure what I haven't addressed. I will look. Thanks for all the honesty.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
). What you've been doing is obviously cramping her and she feels annoyed.