Not confused anymore...just anxious and emotional

[reachingHigher]

Hi BRNR!

I'm going to try to explain with an analogy, and although it seems kinda corny, maybe it'll make sense.

Last year, I had asked Chuck, my DB coach if he thought buying new bed linens would make our MBR more attractive to H (sounds so silly now, huh?). He said no, that most MLCers would see that as pursuing. So I didn't, of course.

But, I thought this spring, I could get a new shower curtain and towels. We've always bought really nice (and pricey) towels at Lands End. But I saw some at Target (I love Target but these bath towels were under $6 a piece). And a really cute, modern shower curtain.

I think I got shower curtain, and full set of towels, with extra washcloths, etc. for under $50. So I texted shower curtain pics to H and he says to get whatever I want, of course.

So I come home delighted with my purchases and said "why should we buy expensive towels when cheap ones will do?". He agreed to try these.

I put them in the dryer after washing and they made a tiny heap. Then when we used them they come off in lots of little pills on your body after drying.

He walked in the bathroom and when he came out:

Me: (excited) did you like it?

H: like what?

Me: the new shower curtain

H: what new shower curtain?

Lol!

After using the new towels....I decided the expensive ones are much better.

The point is...I never stopped wanting or loving the expensive ones...just wanted to try a cheaper version, knowing it was cheaper.

In the MLC analogy...could we look at the high price as loss of freedom, emotional ties, etc.? All along, the spouse who is discontented is looking somewhere else to satisfy the same needs that the LBS can satisfy. But they think that they can "make do" with a cheaper imitation and not have to pay the price of full commitment in a M to the LBS.

At least that's how I see it.

When H & I were talking in MC last week, H said that he looked (and I believe they all do, but we may not want to know the details of that "looking") and didn't find any OW that had the qualities that he sees in me. So I retained the status of being the more valuable version and he isn't willing to settle for a cheaper imitation.

That's why it was so perplexing that last year he could say that he always felt the same way about me (we still loved the high quality towels) even though he was looking somewhere else to satisfy (somewhere he didn't have to pay the commitment price).

It takes so much time, and I thought the quote from Cadet at the beginning of each sitch (time is a gift...use it wisely) was a joke. But I sure don't think that now.

Hope this helps.

Hang on.
More hugs,
rH