All the great advice. All my momentum forward. All lost to my fear about OM. I can deal with about everything else, my guilt, W angry with me, all of the other stuff that is wrong that needs fixed, but OM stops me cold in my tracks. W even said she promises (like I trust that) there is no one else and she is not looking. I know at this point OM has family and is committed to them, but W still has strong feelings for him and he gives her what she needs or wants. As she said in text to my D, I too can give her those needs, but if feels annoying coming from me. How do I try to give W her needs when she feels that? She wants her needs met from someone else. It is like I am at a beach that has white sand everywhere and there is one tiny black grain of sand and that pulls all of my attention. Last night I felt rage, something I have not in a long time and it scared me. I guess it is from everything, but what surfaced was what W told D in a text that I am not supposed to know. The one where W says OM makes her feel so good, irresistible and all that stuff, that dad can do that too, but it just feels annoying coming from him. She says this to my D and I cant say anything about it because I will loose too much if I admit to looking at D phone. That is burned into my head and idk if I can ever forgive that. God knows what else she has said to D that I dont know about. Don't mind read, focus on me... I CAN'T I fail.
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
