I have tried, and mostly succeed, in putting the Joe thing behind me. I think you are right naej about picking the scab, and also Kat and Mish about where I was then and now. We did have a great time together and he kind of topped of my Oz experience because he was fun and so funny. I was the happiest I've ever been in Brisbane but I always knew that was temporary. It just annoys me now because it is so RUDE to just ignore someone and frustrating not to have any kind of conversation.
Yeah the dad thing is very hard to live with. I kind of hate that I have had to train myself to be immune to what's happening around me. He is definitely meeting up with someone he doesn't want the rest of us to know about, and is such a bad liar. Each time he lies to my face (badly) it feels like a little bit inside goes bleugh. Mum deals with it by being resentful towards him ( a Marian reaction) but it makes things 10 times worse cos then he feels more justified. There is no conversations about it, but coming home after some distance I have realised that's how we function as a family, by just not saying stuff, and we do have a great time together. I just try and focus on my relationships with each of them individually and make sure they're real. If that makes any sense.
But it is hard to live with but I have chosen a harder path of retraining so I have no choice but to live here (and most of the time it is fine and my parents generally are great and very kind, supportive and generous) and I have to just think of the bigger picture and know that longer term I will be happier for doing this.
Life's never perfect. I guess that's what I meant in my title by saying most of the time. I just concentrate on me and making sure my heart doesn't get hardened by being let down (by Joe and dad) because that's how I feel. I know there are men out there who will be man enough to deal with issues. I guess I'll hopefully be wiser the next time.
