XW had to go to the dealership to get her oil changed and other small repairs at 10 AM. She had S and said I could come by the dealership with them if I wanted to see him...of course I did. So I grabbed us both some coffee and picked them up so they didn't have to linger there for 2+ hours.
As we were leaving the dealership, the conversation took an interesting turn. XW said:
"I wasted a lot of time being angry at your parents. I was mad that they moved in with you because maybe it was killing our chances of reconciliation. Then I realized I really have no reason to be angry at them at all....they have nothing to do with it. You were at your lowest - maybe it was best that they were there."
I resisted the urge to do a cartwheel and simply agreed with her, but also said it it good that they are leaving now. She just reiterated that she is happy that they are here for our S. Granted, it is a long way from her being able to "deal" with them again, but holy crap that is a big statement from her.
We enjoyed the afternoon together and on a whim I bought her a pair of sunglasses she had wanted. Right around the time S got cranky we parted ways.
Later in the night we began texting and she was very, very frustrated that S is now taking two hours practically to get in bed and stay in bed. That kind of expanded into her expression of frustration regarding how it seems he has two different sets of rules between houses (I did not comment) and that that makes things hard because he does not experience much consistency.
She kind of segued into being angry at my parents again for living in my house for 6 months. I expected it, really. When I read between the lines, I suspected she was trying to say she wants out of her current living arrangement. She went on to say that she (true enough) hates her living environment, the impact it is having on S, the "temporary and in-flux" feeling that has been over her life for the last 18+ months. It was the most pure admission of regret that I have received from her.
Now, I am not an egotist...nor am I into mind-reading like I used to be, but her continued comments felt A LOT (I mean A LOT) like she was wanting me to say it was OK for her to come back. She just didn't want to have to ask herself.
I rolled the dice.
She asked for what solutions I had and I waited for a few minutes and then said.....maybe you should trying being here at the house more often. Maybe just 1-2 days a week to see how it goes. You don't have to get rid of your place at all....you can keep it to go back to if things just don't work well.
She agreed and said that maybe come April she will trying being here a few days a week. (April because my parents will have left by then)
Will this happen? I have learned that these winds change a lot and RAPIDLY, so I do not know. I have no expectations -- and it feels good. I just have hope.
What a long, strange trip it has been....and it ain't over.
I guess part of what I want to say is that everyone that is going through all of this garbage that wants their WAS to have a sudden revelation and come home or "snap out of it", it just doesn't work that way. I (and others) tried so hard in the beginning to control the outcomes and get her to see what I wanted her to see....feel what I wanted her to feel. Sandi, 25 and others made it clear that if/when she figures things out it will be on her terms, on her timeline and most importantly....on her own. Some of that MAY be happening in my situation right now...not sure.
