Thank you labug. Weird thing is that the email he sent yesterday almost doesn't sound like him. Very defensive, lots of anger. But then I have to remember that he really didn't show me "him" for a lot of years. I just lived with the trained, controlled version. And if this is really what's underneath all the layers, it's not very attractive. But then I remember the 20+ years of thinking you know somebody and feel that maybe all of his anger is a defense. But at this point, I know I would need to be a lot stronger to get through that.
I still haven't replied, what should I say? Everything I started last night was super angry. - the girls are better because of the work we've put into our R - I didn't ask you home so don't assume I invited. - I really like my life now without drama. - he doesn't show any appreciation for me reaching out and basically flaying my heart in my email
can't go there... read on another thread about validation. So I need to figure out how to proceed with that.
H sent me a very pleasant email this morning about D17 bday plans. I feel like I'm all the way back at the beginning a few weeks ago when I asked how do you be friendly or friends with WAH? My thinking has changed a great deal because of my personal growth, it's best for the kids, can't have future R without friendship, etc. But I feel like this is coming full circle and if our R is really done in the future, I don't think I want to be his friend. I want to be friendly and amicable, but he has not been a friend in any of this. And I really opened pandoras box with this counseling suggestion because I don't even see how to try to have good communication with someone that won't take any responsibility for his actions!
If anyone has another way of looking at this I'd really appreciate the insight.
Positives: taking my girls to a concert today. I have not replied in anger to H. Waiting for a confident approach. I didn't share anger or anything about email with dds. I didn't react at all (which is huge for me).
