I wanted to tell a little of my story with hope that it might help someone. My BD was 5 and a half years ago.
Long story short. Married 25 years. xh had an affair with his exgf from 30 years ago. She had cheated on him with his best friend while living with him back then.
I heard all the same things most of us have.
He stayed in the home for about a year post bomb. In my bed for most of it. Our son was 16 years old at the time.
He was not a nasty MLCer verbally, but, he was a particularly crazy one. After a year, it was affecting me health wise and I insisted he leave. He moved 2 hours away.
Because of how he was spending money, I had to file about 2 years after bd. He had amassed an exorbitant amount of debt and had been taking a lot of money. I wound up owing half of a debt I did not know about. He ruined me financially probably for the rest of my life and did some terrible things during the divorce.
I promised myself three things at the beginning of it all: I would act with dignity, I would not ever say a bad word about him to our son or cause harm to whatever relationship they forged and that I would remain true to myself.
I kept my promises.
My son and I have degenerative neuromuscular disease and other health issues. I tried to keep my xh in the loop regarding our son’s health, until he turned 18. I told him then that if there was anything he wanted to know he could ask our son or he could reach out to me.
He and his father have slowly worked their way into a close relationship. Not where it was before, but, it works for them and I am so very thankful.
My son has scars from this, but, he has become a remarkable young man and I am so very proud of who he is.
The ow is long gone and as far as I know, my xh has not been with anyone else. He lives 5 hours away so who knows ?We have contact from time to time and when we do, sometimes still, the things that come out of his mouth give me pause.
I think he is slowly coming out of the tunnel. He doesn’t seem to realize how much time has passed. He seems regretful of some of the things he’s done. At this point, they are just words. He hasn’t shown any actions to support it. It is nice to hear on some level, though.
He has said some things that show that he clearly was/is in crisis. When we are together, it is so strange. He is someone I once knew. Familiar yet, not.
I forgave him a long time ago. He knows it and has said he doesn’t deserve it. No matter, it was for me. Didn’t want to carry around that anger.
I have come a long way. My vet friends on here will remember I went kicking and screaming into db. I couldn’t get it for a long time. And then I did.
Once I detached and let him go, my life began again. I am ok. I am becoming who I was meant to be. Always a work in progress, but , getting there everyday.
I am forever grateful to this site and my friends who got me through.
There really is life after a midlife crisis. And you will all get through it. Hopefully to reconcile, but definitely a stronger, smarter you.
