On December 10, 2012 i hurt my shoulder very bad and required surgery. Had surgery on Jsnuary 18, 2013. I have been on a bunch of painkillers for almost 3 months. Some of you may know that I am on probation for a 4th DUI. I have an addiction problem and am very active in AA. March 1, 2013 I asked my PO to see him. I have been very depressed lately with the divorce(12/12/12). I started feeling really wierd and believe it had alot to do with the painkillers. I asked my PO for help because i feel i was becoming addicted. His answer of help was to through me in jail and revoke my probation. He now wants me to go to prison. doesnt look like i'm going. there is a program for DUI people that is very intensive.
Needless to say, my evil X got with my PO and used everything i told him to file for full custody. I signed a temp agreement where i only have them every other weekend and wednesday nights for a few hours. I have never been this hurt in all my life. Now my son is telling me X is getting married. to OM that she was cheating on me with. He is still married btw..
I dont know what my problem is, but that hurts. I still love her and always will. It disgusts me that she would bring this man into their lives. He doesn't care about his own kids, much less mine. My heart hurts. My kids are so confused. I am confused. Nothing makes sense, and I just want my kids back so that I can be the rock that they need. I am going to teach my son how to be a man. Not this piece of garbage who is not even close to being a man.. Ugghhh.. the crazy thoughts that go through my head..
On the upside to this intensive program I am going to do is, they have alot of mental health help. I was told I suffer from severe depression and severe anxiety. Not sure what all that means, but I'm sure I will find out.
Sorry, just kind of had to get all this out I guess..
Clay, I'm so sorry. But you always persevere and now this intensive program might be just what you need. I know it's tough but you do keep clawing away at it. So many people would just given up.
It's good that you recognized what was going on with you and the drugs. Sometimes gifts don't look like gifts. Sometimes they look like a flaming pile of sh!t!
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
thanks and you are right.. sometimes gifts look like a flaming pile..lol the good thing about this is when i complete this program, she wont be able to say anything. i will have documented success and her slander wont hold water..
i guess i am so saddened by her and OM is because somewhere deep inside me, i had hope that there could be a reconciliation. no matter how stupid that sounds and i know it wont happen, i think i still held out that last little bit of hope.
there will always be another day and i am strong. i keep taking a beating and havent given up. there are days where i want to so bad. then i just look at pictures of my kids and remember that they are worth so much. i would take any beating over and over if it means i am protecting or helping my kids. i love them so much.
thank you. my kids deserve the best and im trying to be that for them. i know they love me. it keeps me going. things have to get better. they just have too.
i still dont understand the level of hatred i get from the X. she got everything she wanted, yet still continues to harass me on a daily basis. i guess i just have to get used to it..
Clay, My X also continue to spew. I do not have contact with her. Mostly I hear about it from our adult children.
She is deep in replay. Mind reading I think she thinks she would be happier if I was wiped from existence.
I expect it has been easier for me to detach b/c of no contact and adult children.
Please consider: If you get used to it and expect it to occur it will continue to do so. If you ignore it, expect your sitch to become all that you want, focus upon that as your future reality, make it real, then your actions will lead you to that goal.
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
that is sound advice. i never thought of it like that, and it makes alot of sense to me. i do not want to ever get used to this kind of treatment. over the course of the R i guess i got used to being treated as less than. i hated it. since she left i have started to get back to being me and not worrying about her. she still knows so well how to push my buttons. at the end of the day i am the one who allows it tho. i will work on this for sure.
the best part of this horrible part of my life is the opportunity i have to grow as a man. to be the best me i can be, regardless of how she or others view me...
the best part of this horrible part of my life is the opportunity i have to grow as a man. to be the best me i can be, regardless of how she or others view me...
the best part of this horrible part of my life is the opportunity i have to grow as a man. to be the best me i can be, regardless of how she or others view me...
you have grown so much since you started here...and i know sometimes it feels like enough already.. but there must be some amazing future planned for you.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
