I wanted to touch on something you mentioned about your h has cut himself off from family. My xh did that back in 2000 and has continued to do so throughout all of this time. Many of his family members haven't seen him since 2000. He does stay in contact w/his brother, but it's most via email and texts. Aunts, uncles, etc. nothing, not even a card. They ask me about him when I touch base w/them and I always let them know he's holding his own. It's very sad because he's lost a lot of family members during that time and never went to the funerals or sent condolences either. Some mlcers will reconnect w/family and others won't.
As for not telling family or friends about the situation, my xh didn't share the news w/his family for quite some time. It's their way of protecting their fantasy and they don't want to be judged nor the person that they are with. It's a little bit of guitl and shame, but I think it's more about being judged as well as people giving them their opinion about what they are doing.
But your h isn't anywhere close to reconnecting w/family members as he's still exhibiting replay signs. Reconnection to family members generally comes towards the end of the crisis. Pray for his healing and I do understand the hurt feelings that his family is experiencing, but right now, he's all into himself and the family represents the past. Keep in mind, you can't do anything about bridging the rift between them right now...it will work out one way or the other.
If his family invites you over and you feel comfortable about it, go and enjoy yourself. You can always switch topics if they ask about him, but I don't think you have to worry about him showing up w/someone at this point.
I'm glad you and the boys had a great day. The three of you needed some time together and it goes to show that even if the boys wanted dad there, they didn't call him.
Glad to see you set your boundary for Tuesdays and yes, the little 2 yr old came out to play. Once a boundary is set by you, do not waiver from it or he'll know that you don't mean it and will test you time and time again over the boundaries.
AJM, is of the same mind that I am...some counseling will help your sons navigate the situation and explore their feelings about the situation. They need to be able to have someone who is neutral to talk to about the situation so that they don't hurt mom or dad when expressing their feelings. Just my two cents.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
